The UK government will today sign an historic armed forces treaty with France, which will see both countries sharing the same navy.
Britain will have the navy Monday to Wednesday lunchtime, France will have the navy Wednesday lunchtime till Friday and the two countries will swap aircraft carriers, jump jets, frigates and submarines alternate weekends.
Prime Minister David Cameron said, “Let me make this perfectly clear Britain still very much rules the waves, but we will be sub-letting those waves on a bi-weekly basis.”
In relation to nuclear weapons Britain will create and build nuclear bombs and the French will drop them.
President Nicolas Sarkozy outlining the plans, said, “We must play to our strengths. The United Kingdom will continue paying for nuclear weapons it can’t really afford and we will continue exploding them on small islands in the Pacific.”
Mr Cameron defended the controversial treaty and said, “This agreement should not be considered a loss of sovereignty, if only because that would technically be an act of war and we’d need all the ships we could lay our hands on.”
The UK's shadow defence secretary Jim Murphy said, “I applaud the government for doing its bit for international co-operation but I wonder whether it might have been better to co-operate with a country that we haven’t gone to war with so many times in the past?”
Defence Secretary Dr. Liam Fox dismissed Mr Murphy’s concern and said. “In the unlikely event of a war with France we’ve already agreed to hire the German navy to cover the days the French are attacking us with our own fleet.”
However, Mr Murphy pointed out that in such an eventuality the French would simply put in a call to the Russian navy.
“Eventually, everyone’s armed forces will be made up of everyone else’s armed forces, and you won’t know who’s firing at who,” protested Mr Murphy.
“No, that’s the American model you’re thinking of,” corrected Dr Fox.
The First Sea Lord Admiral Sir Clive Gently gave the proposals a lukewarm response, “Initially, this whole process is going to cost money not save it. Considering the standard of GCSE French in this country we’re going to have to go round and make all the signs and instruments bilingual. The last thing you want is some spotty cadet sinking the ruddy thing because he doesn’t know what ‘n'ouvrez pas le hublot’ means.
“Actually, what does it mean?”
Meanwhile, Norway has pulled out of a similar navy sharing deal with Spain, saying the debt-ridden Spanish fleet was lacking both technologically and militarily. The Spanish government responded angrily to the remarks and immediately recalled all its galleons.