As tens of thousands of convicted prisoners look set to gain voting rights, former lag and rather poor novelist Jeffrey Archer has announced that he is spearheading a new party with the intention of securing their ballot.
Speaking from the canteen in Pentonville yesterday, Archer pleaded for the felon vote. "No one else in politics understands you! No one else in politics speaks for you! I want you to know that I am closer to you than you think!"
The party, which will be known simply as 'Inside', is appealing directly to male and female voters who are currently doing a long stretch at Her Majesty's Pleasure.
A spokesman for Inside said: "As we all know, the only difference between politicians and prisoners is that prisoners got caught. Our leader is charismatic, mendacious and egregious. He has shown great strength in dealing with screws and wardens in his time, so the whips or that squirt Bercow hold little fear for him."
But prisoner James Weatherly, who didn't want to be named, admitted he had doubts. "I'm a simple man who has murdered two people, but even I don't think I could stomach admitting to me friends that I have read Kane and Abel."