Mid month and there's a right royal battle at the top of the board. All links to subs on the blog, as usual
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September WOTM competition
(6 posts) (4 voices)
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The mighty Wren takes top spot this month, with a clear and unambiguous lead. Expect a Steward's enquiry by first dawn. Full list of links to subs on the blog and ticker list is below.
Tickers
Adrian Bamforth
Piers Corbyn voted second best Prime Minister we never had in Twitter poll. More soon
Russian covid vaccine safe but patients advised not to stay for the cup of tea. More soonAl Opecia
Bangor woman catches covid at Inverness test centre. More soon.
Brexit deal destroyed by “mutant algorithm”. More soon
Hancock promises new tests “will take half an hour”. More soon.
Official Secrets Act to appear on “Antiques Roadshow”. More soon
Right wing comedians demand more air time under Human Rights Act. More soon
Trump brings peace to Middle East, but not Middle America. More soonapepper
£10,000 fine for covid breaches, unless breeches made of tweed. More soon.
Government criticised for making the government look bad. More soonBeckfordburger
Parliament to be scrapped after malicious coughing and spluttering outlawed. More soon
Camz
Brexit news: Brexiteers flout covid and flock to beaches to bury head in sand. More soon
Chrisf
Channel 4 to show erect penis in new meat out to help out initiative. More soon
DavidH
Struggling tiny billboard company enters miniadstration. More soon
Deskpilot3
Shortage of pissed customers “devastating” for late night kebab sales.
Dick Everyman
Bertie Bassett to face manslaughter charges.
Catteries facing lickdown
Moorland decimation caused by underlying heath issues. Moor soon.Dominic_mcg
Britons experiencing second wave. To their grans through carehome windows. More soon
Man forgets to do “mine’s a large one” joke after 6 months of no pub visits. More soon
Mining giant accused of poisoning PNG rivers; Jpeg rivers unaffected
Priest accused of being a homophone says it won’t altar hymn. More soon
Splinter group invests in new tweezers. More soon
Students resort to cannibalism after 48 hours in lockdown
The last surviving Attenborough warns world leaders over extinction crisis
Travellers advised: Bulgaria still on quarantine list; Orinoco and Madame Cholet free to travel; avoid Tomsk. More soonFilthy Rich
Complaints of unsolicited dick-pics rise as Johnson’s Johnson joins LinkedIn. More soon
Famously quiet, monastic Blackpool escapes Lancashire lockdown. More soon
Harry and Meghan’s first Netflix commission: ‘Far From the Madding Crown’. More soon
Outrage as covid testing requires double the mileage of basic eye test. More soonGerontius
Angling Times’ magazine to move on-line
Granger
Shere Hite dies: Grim Reaper came too soon, says family. More soon
Griffin
New Washington cemetery opens today – but only for winners. More soon
Ian Searle
Rees-Mogg says it’s wrong to carp, but Johnson say it’s alright to grouse. More soon
Iroquois Pliskin
North East ban is on mixer drinks, clarify Geordies
Nudist camps to introduce scrotal distancingJames_doc
Soup throwing protesters accused of bouillon. More soon
Trump: soup throwers more likely to be bachelors. More soonMADJEZ
Bukkake industry facing ruin after ‘rule of six’ imposed. More soon
LA ‘jetpack man’ seen at 3000 ft was just gas engineer failing final exam. More soonMick Turate
Jack the Ripper ‘only killed in a specific and limited way’. More soon
Moonshot programme will mean a 500,000 mile round trip for coronavirus tests. More soon
Scotland leaves the UK as the 1707 Act of Union was signed in a rush. More soonMirthless Evil C
Abbott deported straight back to Oz under Patel’s Australian points based system. More soon
Conran’s ashes to be stuffed into cushions and scattered, more soon
Covid sniffer dog Fido Harding to take charge of Test and Trace
Covid spike – ‘i told you I was ill’. More soon
Johnson hails UK’s world beating blisteringly slow broadband. More soon
Parliament returns to hear Boris tell the class what he did on his holidays. More soon
Perugia. Italian for Barnard Castle. Allegedly.
President who dodged draft with a verruca awards himself Medal of Honor. More soon
Shock as Kay Burley makes Hancock look stupid. Did Magna Carta die for nothing? More soon
Sir Les Patterson appointed head of UK diplomatic service. More soon
Tony Abbott to be joined by Elvis Costello at Board of Trade. More soon
Two consecutive 180 degree U turns redefined as spin. More soon
UK being governed by a diktat – any old tat dreamt up by a dik
Terence Conran vacates his man made habitat. More soonMyke
‘Gerry Mander? I never even met the guy’ says Trump. More soon
‘Send in the RAF!’ Daily Mail fury at migrating geese
Bond villain dies at 89 as underwater nursing home explodes.
Burglars and rapists welcome police crackdown on illegal raves. More soon
Chicken crosses road to avoid Jim Davidson. More soon
Food poverty mystery to be investigated by Rt Hon Woody McBearshitz. More soon
Lakeland grouse shooters ‘looking forward’ to jet suit paramedics
Murdoch was denied freedom of speech, says hacked voicemail. More soon
Panic buyers seen fighting over Easter eggs
Pubs to close at 9.45 pm if death toll continues to rise.
Snow White fined £100; Sneezy told to self-isolate. More soon
Texas brain-eating water amoeba endorses Trump 2020Newsdesk
Bar set too low, say limbo dancers. More soon
Not Amused
UK floating voters told ‘stop breaking newton’s laws in a specific and limited way’. More soon
oshaughnessy
Daily Express: free A level offer sadly too late for Princess Diana
Fred and Rose West face fine for having more than six people in garden. More soon
Government confuses WTO rules and WBO rules but makes firm commitment to WTF rules. More soon
James Bond 007 downgraded to 006. More soon
Police unsurprised by man who overdosed on liquorice saying it takes all sorts
Snowdonia declared an area of outstanding national stupidity. More soon
Soup and Shake to replace Stop and Search. More soon
Virgin Galactic downsizes to Virgin High Altitude Weather Balloon. More soonPaul L
ITV2 unveils details of its new ‘Covid or Cold?’ gameshow
rogerg
Young people told: go out, party hard, inherit sooner. More soon
ron cawleyoni
England’s nation league preparations hampered by Foden & Mason. More soon
Sinnick
Priti Patel criticises Guantanamo Bay as being “a bit soft”
Trump to appoint first female porn star to Supreme CourtSir Lupus
New system working fine as whole UK covered by local lockdowns.
Smart Alex
Man cancels Viagra payment plan after realising he can’t afford to keep it up. More soon
Man upset by library closures complains that they ‘kept it quiet’
Parents ground child caught playing with electric sockets. More soonSteveB
Govt plans to assist people marked ‘non-disclosure’ and classified top secret. More soon
Majority of inappropriate pics attributed to Turpin, Van Dyke and Dastardly. More soon
Northeast spike traced to devious southern bastards entering Newcastle postcodes. More soon
Sevenoaks fined £100. More laterSydalg
Board of Trade appointment boomerangs on Boris. More soon
Homeopathy exposed as ineffective, consumer confidence down by .00001%. Smidgen more soon
Man who left his balls to science dies intestate. More laterTamoshanter
Trump – “I pay my tax in Roubles”
Titus
Labour agrees govt not incompetent & inconsistent, just consistently incompetent. More soon
Murdoch blocks Extinction Rebellion HQ by dumping 40 tons of newsprint at door. More soon
Please fit your face mask, Caerphilly. More soonWrenfoe
First lunar restaurant lacks atmosphere. More soon
Secret Seven to disband, while the Famous Five advertises for 1 intern. More soonPosted 5 hours ago # -
Well done to all for some fantastic competitionary, as ever, & welcome new names to the fray!
Well-deserved Wren win for not only impressive points, but a clean sweep across all the sections.
Also to the Throngly number-meister for impressive speed (in a complimentary way...)
& to those getting swiftly off the mark with some quality subs in today ready for October kickoff!
Posted 2 hours ago #
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