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1. 

   throngsman
   

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   Mid month and there's a right royal battle at the top of the board. All links to subs on the blog, as usual

   

   Posted 5 months ago #

2. 

   SteveB
   

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   Throngsman, you are also a talliesman and a Thalesman. Thank you.

   Posted 5 months ago #

3. 

   throngsman
   

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   The mighty Wren takes top spot this month, with a clear and unambiguous lead. Expect a Steward's enquiry by first dawn. Full list of links to subs on the blog and ticker list is below.

   

   Tickers

   Adrian Bamforth

   Piers Corbyn voted second best Prime Minister we never had in Twitter poll. More soon
   Russian covid vaccine safe but patients advised not to stay for the cup of tea. More soon

   Al Opecia

   Bangor woman catches covid at Inverness test centre. More soon.
   Brexit deal destroyed by “mutant algorithm”. More soon
   Hancock promises new tests “will take half an hour”. More soon.
   Official Secrets Act to appear on “Antiques Roadshow”. More soon
   Right wing comedians demand more air time under Human Rights Act. More soon
   Trump brings peace to Middle East, but not Middle America. More soon

   apepper

   £10,000 fine for covid breaches, unless breeches made of tweed. More soon.
   Government criticised for making the government look bad. More soon

   Beckfordburger

   Parliament to be scrapped after malicious coughing and spluttering outlawed. More soon

   Camz

   Brexit news: Brexiteers flout covid and flock to beaches to bury head in sand. More soon

   Chrisf

   Channel 4 to show erect penis in new meat out to help out initiative. More soon

   DavidH

   Struggling tiny billboard company enters miniadstration. More soon

   Deskpilot3

   Shortage of pissed customers “devastating” for late night kebab sales.

   Dick Everyman

   Bertie Bassett to face manslaughter charges.
   Catteries facing lickdown
   Moorland decimation caused by underlying heath issues. Moor soon.

   Dominic_mcg

   Britons experiencing second wave. To their grans through carehome windows. More soon
   Man forgets to do “mine’s a large one” joke after 6 months of no pub visits. More soon
   Mining giant accused of poisoning PNG rivers; Jpeg rivers unaffected
   Priest accused of being a homophone says it won’t altar hymn. More soon
   Splinter group invests in new tweezers. More soon
   Students resort to cannibalism after 48 hours in lockdown
   The last surviving Attenborough warns world leaders over extinction crisis
   Travellers advised: Bulgaria still on quarantine list; Orinoco and Madame Cholet free to travel; avoid Tomsk. More soon

   Filthy Rich

   Complaints of unsolicited dick-pics rise as Johnson’s Johnson joins LinkedIn. More soon
   Famously quiet, monastic Blackpool escapes Lancashire lockdown. More soon
   Harry and Meghan’s first Netflix commission: ‘Far From the Madding Crown’. More soon
   Outrage as covid testing requires double the mileage of basic eye test. More soon

   Gerontius

   Angling Times’ magazine to move on-line

   Granger

   Shere Hite dies: Grim Reaper came too soon, says family. More soon

   Griffin

   New Washington cemetery opens today – but only for winners. More soon

   Ian Searle

   Rees-Mogg says it’s wrong to carp, but Johnson say it’s alright to grouse. More soon

   Iroquois Pliskin

   North East ban is on mixer drinks, clarify Geordies
   Nudist camps to introduce scrotal distancing

   James_doc

   Soup throwing protesters accused of bouillon. More soon
   Trump: soup throwers more likely to be bachelors. More soon

   MADJEZ

   Bukkake industry facing ruin after ‘rule of six’ imposed. More soon
   LA ‘jetpack man’ seen at 3000 ft was just gas engineer failing final exam. More soon

   Mick Turate

   Jack the Ripper ‘only killed in a specific and limited way’. More soon
   Moonshot programme will mean a 500,000 mile round trip for coronavirus tests. More soon
   Scotland leaves the UK as the 1707 Act of Union was signed in a rush. More soon

   Mirthless Evil C

   Abbott deported straight back to Oz under Patel’s Australian points based system. More soon
   Conran’s ashes to be stuffed into cushions and scattered, more soon
   Covid sniffer dog Fido Harding to take charge of Test and Trace
   Covid spike – ‘i told you I was ill’. More soon
   Johnson hails UK’s world beating blisteringly slow broadband. More soon
   Parliament returns to hear Boris tell the class what he did on his holidays. More soon
   Perugia. Italian for Barnard Castle. Allegedly.
   President who dodged draft with a verruca awards himself Medal of Honor. More soon
   Shock as Kay Burley makes Hancock look stupid. Did Magna Carta die for nothing? More soon
   Sir Les Patterson appointed head of UK diplomatic service. More soon
   Tony Abbott to be joined by Elvis Costello at Board of Trade. More soon
   Two consecutive 180 degree U turns redefined as spin. More soon
   UK being governed by a diktat – any old tat dreamt up by a dik
   Terence Conran vacates his man made habitat. More soon

   Myke

   ‘Gerry Mander? I never even met the guy’ says Trump. More soon
   ‘Send in the RAF!’ Daily Mail fury at migrating geese
   Bond villain dies at 89 as underwater nursing home explodes.
   Burglars and rapists welcome police crackdown on illegal raves. More soon
   Chicken crosses road to avoid Jim Davidson. More soon
   Food poverty mystery to be investigated by Rt Hon Woody McBearshitz. More soon
   Lakeland grouse shooters ‘looking forward’ to jet suit paramedics
   Murdoch was denied freedom of speech, says hacked voicemail. More soon
   Panic buyers seen fighting over Easter eggs
   Pubs to close at 9.45 pm if death toll continues to rise.
   Snow White fined £100; Sneezy told to self-isolate. More soon
   Texas brain-eating water amoeba endorses Trump 2020

   Newsdesk

   Bar set too low, say limbo dancers. More soon

   Not Amused

   UK floating voters told ‘stop breaking newton’s laws in a specific and limited way’. More soon

   oshaughnessy

   Daily Express: free A level offer sadly too late for Princess Diana
   Fred and Rose West face fine for having more than six people in garden. More soon
   Government confuses WTO rules and WBO rules but makes firm commitment to WTF rules. More soon
   James Bond 007 downgraded to 006. More soon
   Police unsurprised by man who overdosed on liquorice saying it takes all sorts
   Snowdonia declared an area of outstanding national stupidity. More soon
   Soup and Shake to replace Stop and Search. More soon
   Virgin Galactic downsizes to Virgin High Altitude Weather Balloon. More soon

   Paul L

   ITV2 unveils details of its new ‘Covid or Cold?’ gameshow

   rogerg

   Young people told: go out, party hard, inherit sooner. More soon

   ron cawleyoni

   England’s nation league preparations hampered by Foden & Mason. More soon

   Sinnick

   Priti Patel criticises Guantanamo Bay as being “a bit soft”
   Trump to appoint first female porn star to Supreme Court

   Sir Lupus

   New system working fine as whole UK covered by local lockdowns.

   Smart Alex

   Man cancels Viagra payment plan after realising he can’t afford to keep it up. More soon
   Man upset by library closures complains that they ‘kept it quiet’
   Parents ground child caught playing with electric sockets. More soon

   SteveB

   Govt plans to assist people marked ‘non-disclosure’ and classified top secret. More soon
   Majority of inappropriate pics attributed to Turpin, Van Dyke and Dastardly. More soon
   Northeast spike traced to devious southern bastards entering Newcastle postcodes. More soon
   Sevenoaks fined £100. More later

   Sydalg

   Board of Trade appointment boomerangs on Boris. More soon
   Homeopathy exposed as ineffective, consumer confidence down by .00001%. Smidgen more soon
   Man who left his balls to science dies intestate. More later

   Tamoshanter

   Trump – “I pay my tax in Roubles”

   Titus

   Labour agrees govt not incompetent & inconsistent, just consistently incompetent. More soon
   Murdoch blocks Extinction Rebellion HQ by dumping 40 tons of newsprint at door. More soon
   Please fit your face mask, Caerphilly. More soon

   Wrenfoe

   First lunar restaurant lacks atmosphere. More soon
   Secret Seven to disband, while the Famous Five advertises for 1 intern. More soon

   Posted 4 months ago #

4. 

   throngsman
   

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   Duplicate entry - soz

   Posted 4 months ago #

5. 

   SteveB
   

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   Very well done to that new lad called Wrenfoe.

   Posted 4 months ago #

6. 

   Titus
   

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   Very well done to that new lad called Wrenfoe.

   Agree - let's hope this encourages him for the future. Congrats to everyone wot done well, and thank-you to t-m and his abacus.

   Posted 4 months ago #

7. 

   Filthy Rich
   

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   Well done to all for some fantastic competitionary, as ever, & welcome new names to the fray!

   Well-deserved Wren win for not only impressive points, but a clean sweep across all the sections.

   Also to the Throngly number-meister for impressive speed (in a complimentary way...)

   & to those getting swiftly off the mark with some quality subs in today ready for October kickoff!

   Posted 4 months ago #

8. 

   Gerontius
   

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   Congrats Wren
   Some powerful stuff
   And to Throngman...once again going beyond the call of duty
   And anyone else who took part
   And to Johnson and Trump for their continued support
   We couldn't do this without you.

   Posted 4 months ago #

9. 

   Sinnick
   

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   Yes, congrats Wrenfoe

   And thanks to Throngsman for putting the time in

   Posted 4 months ago #

10. 

    

    oshaughnessy
    

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    Congrats to Wren and thanks to Throngs for mastery of the mutant algorithms. I thought I'd upped my ticker game but Mirthless & Myke? FFS!

    Posted 4 months ago #

11. 

    Al OPecia
    

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    Well done Wren, and thanks Throngs!

    Posted 4 months ago #

12. 

    Wrenfoe
    

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    As dubious a win, as a Conservative donor getting a ventilator contract.

    (Thanks, Throngsman)

    Posted 4 months ago #

13. 

    throngsman
    

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    Three quarters of the way through the year it's worth taking a look at the WOTY progress. I appreciate the list is getting difficult to read because it is now so long but the Big O is still in the lead, but Wren is closing the gap.

    

    Posted 4 months ago #

14. 

    

    oshaughnessy
    

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    Note to self: Must pick up some Novichok next time I'm in Sainsbury's.

    Posted 4 months ago #

15. 

    Chipchase
    

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    Well done Wren. Some crackers there.

    Well done TM too - stout work as always.

    Well done everyone. We’ve all done very well.

    Posted 4 months ago #

16. 

    Vertically Challenged Giant
    

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    Good work everybody, thanks to throngsman and congratulations to Wrenfoe.

    Can we get a VAR check though please? I think the end of his big toe may have been offside a few weeks ago.

    Posted 4 months ago #

17. 

    Titus
    

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    Just waiting for someone to protest, claim the result is false due to fake postal votes, and refuse to accept it.

    Posted 4 months ago #

18. 

    TechGuy
    

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    Congrats wren, mug duly taken from the walrus, disinfected, and placed on wren’s head

    Thanks to as always

    Posted 4 months ago #

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