Politicians from around the globe were last night scrambling to diffuse a tense diplomatic situation with a group of aliens, sparked by television show The X Factor.
A source in Downing Street has revealed the aliens made contact late on Saturday – the first time mankind has received any sort of communication from extra-terrestrials.
However, according to an aid close to the prime minister, the aliens were not happy and it would seem that pop mogul Simon Cowell is to blame.
The source said: “The aliens appear to have been on their way to Earth to initiate a first contact with humanity.
“But on entering our solar system, they began to scan our satellite network and that’s where it all went downhill.
“All the evidence suggests that the first signal they intercepted was The X Factor – joining the millions of earthlings also watching.”
After viewing just a few minutes of the Saturday night singing extravaganza, the aliens continued to Earth but instead of beaming down to meet humans, they delivered a very simple message to all of the world’s governments.
Sent in the form of binary code, it read: “We came in peace to meet you and share our knowledge. We saw X Factor. We’re leaving now and won’t be back.”
As if this message was not damning enough, the aliens continued: “How can a civilisation such as yours claim to be advanced when you cannot even run an open, transparent and democratic popular family-friendly talent show?
“The whole thing is clearly being set-up to let Cher win and it was pretty clear Cheryl Cole was miming. We see no hope for you and will continue our travels until we find a more advanced race that values talent, honesty and the integrity of the audience over shallow appearance and gimmicky costumes.”
Prime Minister David Cameron has now joined with other leaders to try and persuade the aliens to come back, broadcasting a desperate plea on all radio frequencies.
The joint message reads: “Please, come back, pretty, pretty please. We promise we will cancel X Factor and might even consider shutting down Strictly if you want.”
So far, though, no response has been received from the aliens.
Dr Quincy Jones, an expert sociologist, said: "It's hard to tell much about these aliens from what we know here but it's clear they are very advanced compared to us.
"As a society we are just beginning to debate the values and morals of tv talent shows but they seem to have solved this issue and it has allowed them to develop inter-stellar space travel."
Speaking to international media, Simon Cowell commented: “Look – clearly these aliens know nothing about what it takes to make it these days.
“If they were unlucky enough to tune in when Louie was speaking then I can understand their response but maybe they would like to watch next week when there will be a real surprise twist for our contestants!”