Keith Hartson, a resident of Southwark, London, is this week reported to have begun compiling his personal list of collaborators with the 'Con-unDem Coalition' as he calls it. He has refused to reveal where he keeps the list or when he will see fit to reveal it to the world, but has explained openly about what he intends to do with it.
"I'm doing it for the benefit of the Hague," he explained to a friend in the pub. "I'm not saying my list will be the only one, but the International Criminal Court has a lot on its plate already, what with Sudan and the Congo, so I thought I'd just ease some of the burden for them - you know, when the time comes."
Mr Hartson lives in a borough dominated by social housing which he suspects is soon to be 'emptied' by the policies of the 'Tory junta', as he also refers to it. "My advice is," he said darkly. "Just remember that justice is timeless, and there is no statue of limitation on crimes against humanity." He declined to say who was on the list however, citing the fear of police 'punishment attacks' if he were to reveal the names.
But some doubt the worth of Keith Hartson's list. "Seems like a bloody waste of time to me," said Paul Knight, a pub acquaintance. "We all know the Hague only goes after leaders of poor countries. And let's face it, the Tories do look respectable compared to Robert Mugabe."
"Still," he went on to say. "The list might come in handy. Didn't Cameron talk about forming neigbourhood patrols or something? Or was that Labour? Anyway, I've always wanted to be a vigilante - say no more." Upon which the man tapped his nose and would say no more.
A conservative party spokesman described the creation of lists of collaborators as 'unhelpful'. "We're trying to take this country forward," he said. "We want a future fair for all. A level playing field where Premier league footballers and amateur five-a-side teams get equal treatment. Soon we'll see the results of that in Southwark as well as the rest of the country. People should wear the term 'collaborator' as a badge of pride."