This year’s traditional Halloween intake of the crossed-over dead have expressed their abject disappointment at the standard of living. The annual opportunity for a few hours amongst the flesh and blood is the keenly anticipated highlight of the calendar for the snuffed, but is seems that austerity Britain is a massive let-down and a world apart from the vibrant round the clock party reported by previous visitors.
A first time returnee heading back to the other side after a night of fun-free misery bemoaned the depressing state of Britain 2010.
“Where I come from we spend all our time shuffling around aimlessly and moaning mournfully to try and drown out the sound of everyone else moaning mournfully. I turn up here and it’s all too apparent that the entire underworld is modelled on a Job Centre Plus.
“I’ve spent this Halloween in Manchester and it seemed like the hottest ticket in town, but it’s just the worst evening of rain, rats and gunfire I’ve had – and that’s from someone who died in the Somme.”
“On behalf of the billions of dead people, I’d just like to say that if this is what you guys are doing with your time, then you might as well just skip it and move on to our place. We have weed and wii – I’m not sure you’d notice the difference.”