Easter travel plans were thrown into further confusion last night with the news that God intends to close European airspace over the Easter weekend for what the Almighty describes as “an ongoing programme of essential maintenance work being carried out to upgrade the sky.”
A spokesman for BA said last night. “It’s just one of those things. There is nothing we can do about Acts of God. He has refused to come to the negotiating table and talk about a settlement. It would be a lot easier for us if he could schedule the maintenance work for when we’re all on strike. As it is, he is just going to inconvenience the travelling public.”
“It’s simply a health and safety issue” thundered the Lord from his Heaven HQ. “If repairs aren’t made soon, there could be dire consequences. We’re behind on our schedule by about two hundred years as it is. If we don’t replace the filters, the hole in the ozone layer is only going to get worse.” Adding, “Anyway, you don’t really think that airplanes float on thin air by magic do you?”
The announcement has met with concern from the unions representing the celestial workers. Gabriel, speaking for the Cherubim and Seraphim, said “It’s the same thing every year; he announces some big idea or another and just expects a golden host to turn up at the drop of a hat.
Meanwhile, God was consulting colour charts. “Whilst we’re doing all that work, I’m wondering if I should change the colour, after all sky blue is rather prehistoric. I’ve always rather liked vermillion myself, or maybe purple. Hmmm! Perhaps I’d better check with ‘er upstairs first.”
Asked if the holiday weekend was really the most suitable time for Him to be working, the Heavenly Father paused, scratched his flowing beard for a moment and said “Oh that! I don’t celebrate Easter any more. All that chocolate was making my omnipresence even more omnipresent, it you get my drift. Besides, I don’t want to antagonise the Muslims.”
The Creator laughed loudly, which caused a minor tsunami in the South China Sea. “Ooops” he said.