Prime Minister David Cameron today asked the people of Britain if they wouldn’t mind turning their clocks back an extra ‘thirty years’ on Sunday night.
“By Monday morning I confidently predict our entire country will be waking up to November 1st 1980,” said Mr Cameron. “We’ve done all the necessary groundwork some of it essential such as laying vast amounts of people off and some of it frankly less enjoyable such as getting Spandau Ballet back together.”
Mr Cameron sporting red braces and clutching a Filofax said he was excited about the coalition’s plan for mass revisionism, which has been dubbed ‘The Great Leap Backward’.
He was flanked by the Deputy PM Nick ‘Cleggers’ Clegg, wearing a multi-coloured jumper and ‘Frank Field says Relax’ badge.
Labour attacked the plan saying it would be more sensible to turn the clocks back to the height of the London Blitz. Shadow Chancellor Alan Johnson said, “In those days when people talked about ‘broken Britain’ they meant the bits hit by the Luftwaffe. Neighbours could go out and leave their doors open, assuming they still had doors, and child benefit was eight shillings a week, the same as now.
“Let me be clear on one thing, I think it’s probably best to go back somewhere near the end of the war, probably 1949, as this means the next ten years will be a period of unprecedented growth. Cars will go into mass production and become affordable to all. Electric kettles and toasters will become commonplace.“
The Prime Minister poured scorn on Labour’s plans and said, “We bring big hair where they would bring flares; we bring Rubik’s Cubes where they would bring boob tubes. This is what I mean when I talk about the Big Society – enormous hair, huge shoulder pads and oversized red glasses.”
Mark Harrison, a behavioural scientist at Durham University, said, “Many people will look at these changes as nothing more than an excuse for a crafty extra thirty years in bed. However, we have to expect that unemployment will rise, the gap between rich and poor will widen and that greed and screwing each other over will once again be considered the norm.
“However, on the plus front Paris Hilton will only be a toddler so it won’t seem so annoying that she constantly talks shit and keeps falling over.”