Michael O'Leary, the popular CEO of Ryanair, has today unveiled a plan to compete in the fast-food business. The restaurant chain is to be called O'Donnell's, to compete directly with McDonalds. It will provide a no-frills, low-cost eating experience.
The plans parallel his highly popular and pleasurable airline business. The strapline will be "All you can eat for E1.00"
Restaurants will be open 24x7. Breakfast is fried potato and bacon. Dinner menu is boiled potato and cabbage with bacon. The front-line menu item will be the "Big Mick", which will comprise a potato and bacon burger served in a poppy-seeded blaa. Vegetarian options without bacon are available. Bottled water is fresh from the beautiful Dublin Bay.
Customers are advised that there are surcharges for entry & exit security checks, takeaways, sit-in meals and drive-thru. The first 2 minutes of table residency are free. Drive-thru customers will be clamped if they take more than 1 minute to obtain their meal; clamping release charge is E500.00
Toilet usage is free for the first 20 seconds. Subsequently, there is a surcharge of E1.00 per minute. Soap is charged at the reasonable price of E0.20, and there is currently no charge for toilet paper (as an introductory offer).
Complaints handling is to be charged at E10.00 per minute.
The restaurants will be staffed with teams from East European countries, who will scurry around looking busy all day long.
Michael O'Leary has commented "I look forward to this latest fecking venture, as it will earn me yet more piles of fecking cash. Who gives a feck what the customers experience, as long as they empty their fecking pockets".