Experts admitted last night they were ‘still years away’ from discovering a colour for the elusive weekday. “we have Blue Monday, Ruby Tuesday, Orange Wednesdays and Black Friday, but the true colour of Thursday still alludes us,” explained Professor Chris Boddy, Director of the Centre for Colour Studies in Kent.
He revealed that a group of theoretical physicists at CERN used unscheduled sessions with the Large Hadron Collider to smash tiny particles of Thursday into 5-litre pots of Dulux. “We had a promising moment early on in the research, when a few molecules of Apricot Sunrise seemed to be adhering to Thursday’s underside. But the forces of attraction proved too weak, and they eventually slipped right off,” he reported.
Work has now been indefinitely suspended after the Centre was hit by funding cuts. The coalition government deemed identifying the colour of Thursday ‘non-essential research’. Boddy admits finding this decision difficult to accept.
“They’re still pumping money into other colour-based programmes, such as finding an appropriate mix of Conservative Blue and Lib Dem yellow that accurately reflects the balance of power in the coalition. It involves dropping a tiny pipette of yellow food colouring into an Olympic-sized swimming pool full of blue paint, and observing the result. And I think we could all predict how that one’s likely to turn out, and save them the all the bus fare,” ranted Boddy.
Back in June, rival scientists in the US claimed they had made significant progress on the Thursday problem when their lab team successfully extracted samples of colour from the movie ‘The Hunt for Red October.’
Their success was short-lived however, when they attempted to transfer October’s red to Thursday. “The month-to-day ratio was far too high at 1:31, and Thursday just ended up a great big scarlet mess,” smiled Boddy.