Government sources have claimed that top mathematicians are "very close" to proving that 10 days is the same as 14 days.

Boris Johnson explained at a press conference that changing the requirement of making seven equal 14 was quite a tough nut to crack. "Even Dom found it difficult and he's a real brain box.", said Mr Johnson.

A government scientist, reading a carefully prepared response, explained; "Yes, it's a bit easier to make 10 equal 14 than making 7 equal 14, but it is very difficult. Mr Cummins did explain the old trick of multiplying both sides by zero. But as we explained, that could be used to 'prove' that black = white. Mr Cummins seemed excited by that idea."