Confirmation that you are not mad, it's the world around you, emerged today, when every British television channel carried a story about some bloody animal with tentacles dying in its tank in Germany.
The octopus, which was apparently called 'Paul' for fuck's sake, had apparently managed to pick a mussel out of two alternative boxes nine times in a row, correctly 'picking' nine results in the World Cup correctly at odds far higher than those of any mainstream media outlet actually doing any real journalism - 1 in 512, there you can do it you see. Except it didn't of course, because it was a fucking octopus and thus incapable of abstract decision-making. A bit like GMTV, then.
Defending the decision to run the story, Adrian Chiles said: 'Look, there hasn't been a spending review that will determine anything vital about how millions of people in this country live over the next ten years, has there? Has there? Oh, all right, so would you really prefer yet another filler about which orange-skinned skank Wayne Rooney's shagging this week?'
There is also a growing number of conspiracy theories to the effect that 'Paul' actually died a month ago and it was covered up, probably to deflect attention away from the real cabal of octopi running the world economy from a secret base below the Indian Ocean or some shit like that. Oh, and some items of pond life are also bleating about him being eaten, which was why he was in the fucking tank in the first fucking place, you stupid fucking muppets.
