Apple Managing Director Steve Jobs has complained at The Independent launching a new light edition, branded “i”, as a breach of copyright. “We don’t own all the letters, but everyone knows the i is ours, giving us a 4% market share in the alphabet. So we aren’t taking kindly to a sit-on-the-fence British broadsheet-turned-tabloid trying to take a piece of our pie, so we are taking legal action”.
“I have instructed lawyers to take out an injunction on anyone using the letter i, but words like ‘monopolising’ and ‘profits’ will still sound similar. Having cornered the electronics market, diversifying into phonics seems logical. So from this moment on, the i is ours”.
Englsh language cause célèbre Lynn Truss announced that she was “horrfed by ths typographc development”, but London teenager Mchael Enrght (14) shrugged hs shoulders and rolled hs eyes, before tellng reporters that he margnalsed all the vowels from texts “snce ages ago. LOL”.
Acting Editor of The Independent Simon Kelner said “this is an absurd injunction. How are we supposed to get a paper out with only 25 letters and a vowel going AWOL? We may have just about coped without one of those high scoring scrabble letters that the Polish are fond of, but an i? Does Jobs want us to call our publication the Ndependent, which sounds a bit Nigerian?"
However, it a late development last night, Ordnance Survey counter-sued both the Independent and Apple, with spokesman Matt Pasterfield claiming that they were using the letter i to denote tourist information offices on their maps “long before that jumped up American prick had even got his first Sony Walkman.”