A UK male porn actor famed for his manhood has today argued for a reduction in "social distancing" from 2m to 1m so he can get back to work.
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Male Porn Star Seeks 1m Distancing So He Can Return To Work
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Well-endowed Porn Star Seeks 1m Distancing So He Can Get Back On The Job
Unlikely forgotten victims of the lockdown, porn stars claim they have been left dangling. Hardest hit by ‘strikingly punishing’ social distancing measures, they are requesting urgent intercourse with government ministers.
Industry stalwart Long Dong Silver threatened to reveal all, but instead said; “I was quite excited about going ‘on furlough’, till it was explained this wasn’t a new niche perversion. The industry’s gone completely limp, all sets standing proud and empty. We just need civil servants to slip one in for us next time they’re filling the PM’s red box.
“Our hands are tied. With the government currently distracted by tugging down obscene erections, they can’t expect to just turn us off and on. It’s left us embarrassingly deflated, and for once we don’t want to be left coming from behind.”
Clearly standing up for his cause, Mr. Silver continued; “It just takes the biscuit and yes, beggars.. belief; the industry’s on its knees, even more than usual. We’re already threatened by a soft Brexit, when most of us voted for an impressive extension. If I could just get back on the job, I’d be blown away.
“We’re not beating about the bush. Ministers don’t need to cogitate long and hard on it, we run a tight outfit, and we’re primed and ready to go off. Hygiene-wise, we carry an impressive range of medical, industrial, and farmyard-grade masks, and we’ve always got plenty of tissues.”
Visibly swelling with pride, he added; “Reducing social distancing to one metre might not help everyone, but I’ll be OK, if you know what I mean? And if there’s fewer of us swelling the ranks, the wages could be raining down like a golden shower. I’m keener to get stuck in than David Cameron standing up to a good bit of pork.”
Producers ready to knock one out have a gangbang of topical titles gagging to go, including Social Dickstancing, Flouting Pubic Guidelines, Is That a Testing Kit in Your Pocket, or are you…, Beneath the Podium with Matt Handjob, and That’s Another Priti Mess I Got Into You.
Posted 7 months ago # -
I do apologise; it was raining, thought I’d give it a go. Must be others keen to get stuck in.. R
That's about as well stuffed as one gets. Been a while since I've seen so many gags(!) in one offering. Turning off the innuendo spout for a brief moment, the general etiquette is to seek a nod from the original author Deimos (and this was published as a 'Ticker' - nice one Deimos).
Post it as its own stand-alone submission and clearly write "[Hat-tip to Deimos]" at the top of the main body of the article. Editorial are unlikely to spot your offering here, but they might make a positive judgement on it as its own sub, in which case you will be credited and Deimos will too.
For the record, I post a lot of headline only subs - to the constant irritation of all other writers here - and you are most welcome to take a run at any headline of mine you fancy - no need to ask me first. But this only applies to my work.
Posted 7 months ago #
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