Old people are living in fear because they will be unable to afford to offer a Halloween treat to their young callers.
‘It’s the result of Osborne’s spending review,’ said Jack Jones (92). ‘Most elderly people won’t be able to offer a treat on the doorstep and are terrified of the tricks that will be unleashed on them by the young blighters.’
Age UK has asked Mr Osborne to rush through an emergency Halloween payment of a tenner to people over sixty-five to help finance Halloween treats.
‘If not,’ said a spokesman, ‘we will see many deaths from heart failure among the old on Halloween.’
The charity said that as a precautionary measure it was issuing old people with a George Osborne death mask to wear when they answered the door on Halloween.