Amnesty International have today revealed that for the last four years they have been helping to run a secret prison in the southern Ukranian region of Crimea.
"We, to be honest, were somewhat surprised to be asked to be involved...", Bill White, chairman of Amnesty explained, "but the more we thought about it, the more sense it made for both sides. The Ukranian government requested our assistance because, quite frankly, no-one knows more about secret prisons and handling annoying dissidents than we do."
And why the Ukranians? "Well, the Ukranians are somewhat like the Russians, except nicer. Their main import is gas, their main export is the same gas, and the occasional bride. It's a small, honest, hard-working country and we felt we could trust them."
When asked if he thought he was potentially betraying his principles by assisting with the extra-judicial imprisonment of dissidents in a foreign country, Mr White was adamant that the organization was taking a fair and balanced approach. "Listen, I've been there and seen these people, they look nasty, they not nice at all. It's not like we've got artists and poets banged up. This one guy, did something or another for the opposition, I saw what he wrote, it was shit!"
Amnesty International has recently published a list of the addresses of 26 jailed Ukranian dissidents on their website, and encourages their members to write threatening, but polite, letters to their immediate families.