An anonymous insect has caused a storm in gardens up and down the country by claiming on the Wikileaks website that despite the universally accepted story that ladybirds eat aphids and thereby protect plants, they are actually utterly useless.
Hundreds of leaked documents have been posted on the whistle-blower website suggesting that the red and black beetle’s role as nature’s pest controller is a myth. ‘They’ve got this carefully fabricated image as gardeners’ friends, but all they really do is flutter around trying to look pretty all day and comparing the number of spots on their back’ said the anonymous bug. ‘If you catch them in the vicinity of nibbled leaves they get away with it by claiming they’ve just devoured the culprit, but when was the last time you saw a ladybird actually eating an aphid? Eh?’
Wikileaks has however been accused of creating a threat to garden security, putting millions of ladybirds’ lives at risk. ‘This is highly irresponsible and dangerous’ fumed garden expert Alan Titchmarsh. ‘At a time when the weather’s turning colder and insects are dying anyway, to put ladybirds at the mercy of gardeners armed with insecticide is tantamount to murder. Wikileaks has chitin on its hands because of this.’
Further revelations about allegedly useful animals are expected to follow in coming weeks, with doubts already being cast about whether worms really make compost or bees pollinate flowers.