'Budget 2010 with The Delicious Miss Dahl has seen a massive rise in ratings,' said BBC Director General, Mark Thompson,'audiences love the way that Sophie can explain the Public Sector Borrowing Requirement by seductively licking crème fraiche off a spoon. And her announcement of changes to Stamp Duty by smearing her lips in chocolate sauce was remarkably instructive.'
During the show, former model, Miss Dahl told viewers: 'I am now going to slowly strip away the figures and show you some vital statistics. Watch as I crunch the numbers, pull out the growth package and do some quantitative teasing that will really make your eyes water.' At this point in the show fellow presenter Huw Edwards had to leave the studio for a little lie down.
The BBC have strenuously denied accusations that they have been deliberately trying to 'sex-up' an otherwise boring Budget with so called 'Fiscal Porn'. 'That is absolute nonsense,' said Mr Thompson, 'Sophie Dahl is a well known expert in macro-economic theory. To think that we would employ her simply to make the budget coverage more sexy is ridiculous. And the fact that Nick Robinson and Robert Peston presented the show topless is neither here nor there.'
Chancellor of the Exchequer, Alistair Darling welcomed the new presenter: 'It has been a real thrill to have Miss Dahl go through my red box,' before waggling his eyebrows suggestively and saying, 'her fiscal totting has really raised my interest rates.'
David Cameron went further: 'If we win the election, I am seriously considering making her Chancellor. The people of Britain would much prefer to hear about savage cuts to public spending from a former glamour model who is prepared to get her kit off than George Osborne – although George would be prepared to get his kit off if necessary.'
Liberal Democrat spokesman Vince Cable raised a note of caution: 'Miss Dahl is undoubtedly a very attractive young lady but are we not in danger of being distracted from the serious state of the British Economy? And besides, I much prefer Nigella.'