City of London bankers, worried about how to get this year’s huge fat bonus home safely without it falling into the hands of the poor and needy have indicated they might be interested in taking over the running of Ark Royal and any of the Nimrod jets surplus to requirements from our beleaguered Unarmed Forces.
This way they can keep their vast wealth safely ‘off-shore’ knowing it is no more than a short yacht ride away
But before any deal can be finalised, the bankers insist the tax payer should pay any running costs incurred in keeping the frigate afloat as the money being protected is technically theirs (yours)anyway and what’s more that they (you) don’t actually have anything worth protecting anymore, whereas they most certainly have. The bankers insist we are all in this together and the taxpayer has a moral obligation to shoulder the burden of debt during this crisis.
As the bankers quite rightly pointed out, following the cuts there are no longer any armed service personnel left to run these things. However, there is a whole army of hedge fund managers, investment bankers, financial consultants and accountants who have nowhere safe and convenient to keep their hard earned bonus.
To be fair to the bankers, although there is no chance of any British banks being allowed to fail, you still wouldn’t really trust any of them to keep the money safe.
The corpse will be rebranded Grate Britain, making it easier for historians to poke over the ashes of what was once a proud nation and at the same time allowing bankers to piss on the dying embers to make sure the fire is definitely out.
NOTE: I've already given it one star, save you bothering.