Rumours abound today following the news that Wayne Rooney has refused to commit his future to the Manchester brothel he has been frequenting for the past three years.
Rooney’s relationship with the madam of the brothel Madame F is thought to be at an all time low following recent disagreements regarding his fitness, with Madame F telling the press that he was out of action due to a ‘groin strain’ only for the England international to say that there was nothing wrong with his groin at all.
‘It’s pretty common knowledge throughout the brothel world that she’s just trying to protect him’ said brothel pundit Gary Hanson. ‘His form on the pitch has been poor this season, so it’s no surprise that this has taken its toll on his shagging abilities.’ However, others have disagreed, saying that a world class john such as Rooney should be able to put sporting worries aside for the 90 seconds of action on ‘match days’.
Brothels in other major European cities are now being linked with the striker, with Amsterdam brothels emerging as the obvious contenders. Rooney however said that he would have to speak to his wife before making any decisions, but did confirm that he would be interested in a move to Amsterdam, saying ‘I’ve always wanted to play away in the Midlands’.