Retail giant Tesco confirmed today that it is considering suing the government after a severe outbreak of ‘Byers Remorse’ amongst its senior management. The condition (bahy-ers rĭ-môrs) thought originally to affect only the Head of Legal Affairs Lucy Neville Rolfe, is understood to have spread throughout the organisation’s top brass leaving the company ‘in crisis’.
According to a Tesco source the company launched an emergency investigation into its supply chain last night in an effort to contain the outbreak and tracked the source of the infection to an MP and former government minister.
“I can confirm that we treated five individuals who have been diagnosed as suffering from severe Byers Remorse which is normally triggered by the purchase of higher value items which turn out to be worthless.” Said A&E Consultant Laverne McDougall of The Chelsea and Westminster Hospital. “The condition is characterized by excessive swagger, verbal diarrhoea and a nasty rash of promises.”
But Chief Veterinary Officer Nigel Gibbens moved to reassure the public amid fears of a pandemic, pointing out that the condition only affects reptiles and invertebrates.“There is no need for the public to panic but as a precaution we are innoculating vulnerable groups including quangos, estate agents, City workers, FTSE100 boards, all members of parliament and the Lords, and daytime television presenters.” Asked whether people should avoid their MPs Mr Gibbens continued.
"All contact with the government is entirely risk free as everyone here has now been careful to wash their hands thoroughly of the whole affair.”
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
Chief Vet Reassures Public After Tesco Confirm Outbreak of ‘Byers Remorse’.
(3 posts) (3 voices)
Current rating::
-
K D Adamson
offlineMemberPosted 3 years ago # -
trophyhusband
offlineMemberNice one.. 5* 2 out of 2!
Posted 3 years ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.