The US, magazine, 'Vanity Fair', have conducted an interview, with Prince Charles, during which, Prince Charles, audaciously tried to promote his 'Green Manifesto':
'Harmony: A New Way Of Looking At Our World'
described as a 'blueprint for a more balanced world', to include a plea, to 'return to a more natural and less complicated way of life', at the same time as admitted to having a staff of 124, which cost the British Tax payer, around 6 million pounds per year.
This was a blunder, which has resulted in costing Prince Charles, very dearly....
UK Prime Minister, David Cameron, on reading this interview, not to mention the included, long list of staff and their duties to Prince Charles, which even include members of staff being paid to talk to his plants, and squeeze his toothpaste, decided that, in line with spending cuts in the UK, there must be some, made in Royal Households too..
Prince Charles, outraged at David Cameron, immediately, commissioned one of his private secretaries, to write to David Cameron, to appeal against this unwelcome ruling, but David Cameron stuck to his guns, and insisted that Prince Charles, must learn to manage on a budget of no more than 2 million pounds per year, which of course is a 3rd of the current spending.
This means that Prince Charles, will have to learn to do things like, tie his own shoe laces, squeeze his own toothpaste, and run his own bath, which up to now, he has had a valet to do this for him.
Prince Charles's personal valets, Lee Dopey-Dobbin and Tiny Tim McHandless, were ordered by David Cameron, to teach Prince Charles how to do the menial things which, they used to do, whilst facing imminent redundancy, thanks to David Cameron's ruling.
Things are however, not going very smoothly, in the Royal Household.....
This morning, Tiny Tim McHandless, tried in vain, to teach Prince Charles to squeeze his own toothpaste, but Prince Charles in the midst of trying to do this, squirted half of the tube of toothpaste, all over himself and the bathroom sink and mirror, which saw him become so enraged, that he threw the tube down on the floor, and stamped on it, causing the remainder of toothpaste to squirt all over the lino, in the bathroom.
Prince Charles, ordered one of his orderlies, Clive Mops, to clean up the mess, but he refused to do this, as he was told that his new job, was to teach Prince Charles, to clean up his own mess, and promptly handed him a cleaning cloth and some floor cleaning fluid.
Prince Charles became even more enraged, and after snatching the floor cleaner from Clive Mops, proceeded to squirt the fluid in his face, in the heat of temper.
Clive Mops, reached for Prince Charles's posh new towel, and wiped the fluid off his face, but this saw the situation get even more out of hand, as Prince Charles was furious, that a mere servant , had dared to use his towel costing £5,000, to wipe cleaning fluid, off his face.
Prince Charles told Clive Mops, that he was sacked, prompting Clive Mops, to seek to claim damages, for unfair dismissal, having been ordered to leave the Royal Household, at once.
Meanwhile, back in the bathroom, Prince Charles, still covered in toothpaste, called for the assistance of another Orderly, by the name of John Scrubbs-Allen, who tried diplomatically, to show Prince Charles how to clean up his own mess, but Prince Charles, was having none of this, and stamped his foot in a temper, which resulted in him putting his foot right into the toothpaste, now smeared all over the lino floor.
The mess having become worse, further enraged Prince Charles, who could not be reasoned, with by his staff, who for trying to reason with him, were also sacked by Prince Charles, on the grounds of 'insubordination'.
With 2 Orderlies sacked, Prince Charles was down to 6 out of his former 8, and no let up to the foul temper Prince Charles, was in.
7 of the remaining Orderlies, met with the same fate, after trying in vain, to teach Prince Charles how to clean up his own mess.
Prince Charles summoned the last of his former 8 Orderlies, Simon Shoeshine, to do as he was told, and clean up the mess, he cleaned up the mess, but was sacked by the House Manager, Kevin No-Mess, for doing so.
But the trouble did not stop there, as Prince Charles, still covered in toothpaste, and now running late for an engagement, demanded that another of his Valets, Lee Dopey-Dobbin, make haste to clean him up, and get him ready in time, for the said engagement.
Lee-Dopey-Dobbin, refused, as his new role was to teach Prince Charles, how to clean himself, up, this further incensed Prince Charles, who sacked him with immediate effect.
Prince Charles, at a loss as to know what to do, tried calling other members of staff, but no one answered his calls, and it soon became apparent, that his staff were outside, Prince Charles's Highgrove home, staging a picket against the unfair dismissal and ill-treatment of the ones who were sacked and abused, by Prince Charles.
Prince Charles, left to try and get himself cleaned up and dressed, emerged 3 hours later, wearing a creased suit, crumpled shirt, knotted tie, lying cock-eyed on his chest, crumpled silk breast pocket handkerchief, with toothpaste all over his face, not to mention pieces of cotton wool, all over his cheeks, and chin, where he had cut himself shaving.
There was even blobs of toothpaste on his shoes and suit.
Prince Charles, had to set out, to drive himself, to his engagement, after sacking all 124 members of his staff, for daring to picket.
However, en route to the engagement, Prince Charles has an accident, after swerving to avoid an oncoming horse, and ending up in a ditch, covered in mud and horse muck.
Even more irate Prince Charles, lost his temper with the horse rider, who subsequently refused to call someone, to help dig his car out of the ditch.
Prince Charles, was found 2 hours later, tearfully talking to the trees surrounding the ditch, by two police officers, who were on their way to Prince Charles's country home, following a tip off, that it had been burgled.
Prince Charles, was given a lift home, by the police officers, who kindly laid out a plastic bin liner, on the back of their police car, so that Prince Charles, didn't mess up their back seat.
Upon arrival at Highgrove House, Prince Charles's country home, police insisted that Prince Charles, remained in the police car, whilst they took a look around his home, just in case the burglars, were still at large.
Prince Charles, was horrified to see his wife Camilla jumping into an Oxfam van, at the side of their home, with two men dressed in scruffy second hand clothing, as the van drove past Prince Charles, in the police car, Camilla leaned out of the window of the van, and shouted:
"I am leaving you, and taking my share of the estate, I cannot live any longer with a buffoon who talks to trees"!
Prince Charles, outraged at this, ran into his home, to see if he could find the police, but they had waited until he had ran into his home to look for them, before rushing to leave the grounds of his home and head back to the police station, acting upon orders, from David Cameron, to ensure that the Royal family, to include Prince Charles, didn't waste any more police time or the valuable resources of the police.
There will be no more Royal scrounging engagements, by the Royal Family, so those who were expecting Royal visits, can now save the money, which they were planning to spend on gifts, for Royal scroungers, and get on with enjoying, Royal Scrounger free zones.
Prince Charles, unable to write a letter himself, or drive his own car safely, will not be able to write any more letters to David Cameron, demanding a change to his ruling, nor will he be able to drive to London, to pester David Cameron in person, either.
Rumour has it that, The Royal Family, are to become scruffy hermits, living in unkempt homes, with no staff to nanny state them.
David Cameron, in the wake of these events, has pledged more money for hospitals, to include psychiatric hospitals, just in case the Royal family, require more shock treatment, this is viewed as being very fair, on the part of David Cameron.
7,000 plants and 10,000 trees, at Highgrove House, have perished in the incident, as Prince Charles failed to get around to them all in time, to give them a good talking to for himself.
Rest assured, that the spending cuts, sanctioned by David Cameron, are absolutely necessary, for the economy and for a 'more natural and less complicated way of life' in the UK.
The 124 members staff, who once served Prince Charles, have filed for a collective unfair dismissal claim, against Prince Charles, totaling 90 million pounds, which of course, will have to be met by the UK taxpayer, but David Cameron's government, have saved 6 million pounds, in staffing costs to Prince Charles, so everyone is happy, about the savings to the UK taxpayer, apart from the Royals that is.
We shall of course, keep you updated on this story, as perhaps, more scruffy Royals, emerge from hiding, if any.
More news later, watch this space, minus scruffy Royals covered in Toothpaste.