The Chilean government has sparked uproar after Chilean president Sebastian Pinera appointed Josef Frizel as the Minister for Mining Safety in the wake of the recent rescue effort. Under the proposals, Fritzel will be responsible for spearheading the construction and safety of new mineshafts and the improvement of existing underground networks, so that further mine collapses are avoided.
‘Whilst the recent rescue of the miners trapped at San Jose was extremely successful,’ explained Pinera, ‘we might not be so lucky in the future. We need someone who understands how to design underground caverns that are safe and durable, as well as being capable of supporting inhabitants for potentially long stretches. Josef has shown a prodigious ability in both of these fields, and in addition, one cannot argue against his record in managing residential subsidence risk.’
The plans, though roundly condemned, have garnered some support from environmentalists who have commended his eco-friendly approach. A spokesperson from Green Peace stated that ‘whilst we do not condone what he does with his free time, you can’t argue with his methods. To have created a dungeon with little or no noticeable impact on the surrounding environment or inhabitants above bodes very well for future mining ventures. He is the ‘Kevin McCloud’ of the dungeon-building world, and we wish him the very best in his non-rape and incest-based activities.’
Mr. Frizel is currently imprisoned in Austria and has no immediate hope for release. However, Chilean officials are hopeful that the convicted rapist might be able to take up his post once he has exploited the poor workmanship and tunnelled to Chile. However, they are likely to face stiff competition from the UK, after Justice Minister Kenneth Clarke cited Mr. Fritzel as a possible solution to the overcrowding in British jails and ‘Poverty Tsar’ Frank Fields ear-marked him to help promote his new ‘tough love parenting’ campaign.