Lady Margaret Thatched-Roof, sent a memo to Downing Street today saying:
"The Lady is not for Burning".
David Cameron bemused by the memo, amidst expecting Lady Thatched-Roof, to arrive for her 85th birthday bash, decided to telephone Lady Thatched-Roof, to ask what the memo meant.
Lady Thatched-Roof, was unable to take the call personally, so her slave Connie Char, took the call instead, and it transpired that Lady Thatched-Roof, was not going to make her birthday bash, since a spin doctor had leaked to her, that the birthday bash was being held, with hidden agenda.....
The old boy blue network, who once served, under Lady Thatched-Roof, have long since grown tired, of having to attend these infamously tedious, birthday bashes, since it prevents them from having more fun, elsewhere, like playing stand in roles, for the lead characters, in the TV Sitcom, "Last of the Summer Wine", filmed on location, in Holmfirth, West Yorkshire.
Sir Bernard Ingham apparently stands in, as 'Compo', the scruffy bedraggled, tramp-like character, whilst Lord Norman Tebbit stands in as 'Norman Clegg', and Lord Howe as Foggy.
With a dastardly plan afoot, the 3 Last of the Summer Wine stand in's, akin to the Old Boys, in Thatched-Roof Blue Network, were ready to give Lady Thatched-Roof, a very warm birthday bash, their plot being to place Lady Thatched-Roof, on the top of a giant Birthday cake, and light the huge altar candles, all around her, making sure that she had the send up of her life.
Lady Thatched-Roof however, was tipped off that a dastardly plot was afoot, to ensure that she joined her late husband Denis the menace Thatched-Roof, in the great gig in the sky.
In the light of this, she decided that, because of having chipped her rather large, iron clad dentures, following their nuclear fallout, on her kitchen floor, making them as unsightly as her, herself, that she would send a polite memo, to David Cameron, excusing herself, for another round of flatulence.
David Cameron, tried hard to persuade Lady Thatched-Roof, via her faithful slave Connie Char, to still attend, even offering to buy her a new set of dentures, on the National Health Service, but Lady Thatched-Roof, really was, 'not for burning'.
It is hoped that the old boy blue network, will come up with a new dastardly plot, to relive the party faithful, of the iron lady, who since winning custody of her teeth, has driven them all mad, amidst her endless chatter.
Connie Char, secretly admitted to David Cameron, that she deliberately scared Lady Thatched-Roof, by creeping up behind her in the kitchen, and striking a match at close range, of Lady Thatched-Roof's head, in the hope that her dentures would fall out, in order to give her a much needed break, from the endless chunnering, from Lady Thatched-Roof, not to mention endless marching orders, dished out from daybreak to bedtime, which apparently is extremely tedious.
She went on to apologise, to David Cameron, and the old boy blue network, for thwarting their plans to relieve everyone of Lady Thatched-Roof permanently, Connie Char, seemed very distressed that she had thwarted this.
David Cameron, has conveyed the message from Connie Char, to the old boy blue network.
Meanwhile Lady Thatched-Roof's dentures, have been taken to the Camel Lairds ship yard, for repair, and the Iron lady is having to make do with a packet of fruit gums, to exercise her motorized mouth.
Connie Char says she is enjoying much needed, blissful peace and quiet.
We shall of course, keep you abreast of the plotting, by the old boy blue network.
More news later, watch this space, Minus Lady Motor-mouth Thatched-Roof.