A live appearance by Peppa Pig at Maidstone Arndale Centre was greeted with scepticism and mild hostility by the pre-school children in attendance, after she allegedly ‘failed to fully realise an authentic voice’ for the leading even-toed ungulate.
“The whole venture failed to work on so many levels, it’s hard to know where to begin” explained Samantha, aged 3 and three quarters. “Peppa Pig appears to be a simple enough porcine archetype to mimic. But in fact she is one of the most elusive of all children’s characters to fully inhabit ... especially if they insist on hiring those useless graduates from the provinces, desperate for their Equity Card.”
“’Perfunctory’ hardly covers it” agreed Tamsin, aged 4 and a third. “It has become something of a cliché that Peppa Pig has unstinting reserves of bonhomie and inquisitiveness. But her joie de vivre is clearly a front: to take on Peppa or even a lesser character like George or Pedro Pony, one needs to hold in tension, and even deconstruct these contradictions. There is, for instance, the whole emotional vista created by her self-imposed role as moral guardian to her younger sibling, not to mention the unfeasibly hilly environment in which they live – and you can’t really do that justice without some decent puddles...”
“This is ‘Pingu’ all over again” sighed Martin Cresswell of Maidstone Retailers Guild “Frankly those little buggers should be grateful for whatever we give them. It’s all ‘workshop this’, ‘improv that’ with them. I mean; have they tried getting a decent RADA or Guildhall grad at no notice, especially after Upsy Daisy has stormed off in tears, declaring ‘I cannot work under these conditions’? I rather think not...”