The long standing rule of thumb is coming to an end as the middle finger – thought to be unpredictable by some - takes over. The middle finger, feared by other digits for its lack of manners and ignorance is likely to sweep to power.
Many people saw the thumb rule era as a golden one,’ said Mike Smithers Professor of Politics at Handsworth University. ‘The thumb signals positivity, strength in opposition, a readiness to indicate agreement with its trademark upward gesture, and not afraid to hitch a ride with fellow travellers. Now the middle finger has declared thumb war without even giving the four digit warning.’
The middle finger claims to stand tallest among digits. Metacarpal three, to give it its proper name, is simply saying ‘up yours’ to old the old order of metacarpals. In a statement yesterday it said:
‘From here on in, I shall simply be known as ‘The Finger’, okay? And I will be giving it to people regularly. If you know what I mean. And also, let’s face it, the thumb sucks. The rule of thumb, by definition, was inaccurate and vague. Bad. And if you look at other fingers like the ‘pinkie’ - well there’s no comparison. If you’re called pinkie, you don’t sound like a winner. Frankly you sound like a communist. Or maybe a delicate flower.’ The ring finger was asked to comment on the middle finger’s ascendancy but replied that it was too preoccupied with its imminent marriage. And the index finger said it was trying hard to come up to scratch.
A number of toes were also contacted for a comment but it’s understood they are attending a market of pork-derived products, and one said they preferred not to comment ‘until we are in a position to go wee wee wee all the way home.’
