The World Health Organisation who have been criticized as being “out of touch” by Twitter users, has reached out to the The Goop Lab creator in an attempt to win favour with a younger demographic.
The WHO has admitted to underestimating the severity of the global threat of coronavirus. A spokesperson for the organization states the risk has been upgraded to "high", after initial reports incorrectly identified the global risk as "moderate". Twitter users were quick to denounce the organization for backtracking, including Youtube star Vanessa P who tweeted “OK boomers'' in response. The WHO have since appealed to wellness guru Gwyneth Paltrow in an attempt to revitalize their global brand.
Ms Paltrow was quick to respond to the request stating "finally the WHO are looking to take global wellness seriously."
"The girls at the GOOP lab are already working on a cure", she explained. "As the virus originated in China we suspect the illness is caused by disruption of the body’s natural feng shui, inhibiting energy flow between meridians." The lab is currently developing a salve made from organic soy sauce, ginger and five-spice to apply to the vagina.
The company is also patenting an exclusive Madagascan retreat for those already infected, offering a range of alternative therapies, including fasting and mindfulness techniques, as well as psychedelic treatments. "The powerful healing properties of psilocybin allow the souls of the virus and host to connect on a spiritual level, encouraging empathy and compassion over division", added Paltrow.
The WHO’s vaccination development unit, who were reportedly weeks away from completing a vaccine to the virus, has since been disbanded. This follows advice from Paltrow that the units rigorous scientific technique represented an outdated model of health that "reeked of privilege and patriarchy."
