Leaders of Spain and Portugal today announced that they would be merging their countries in an attempt to both reduce their deficits and win their bid to host the 2020 Olympics. The new country will be called Sportugal.
Portuguese Prime Minister José Sócrates de Carvalho Pinto de Sousa said: ‘Look, this is basically a no brainer – you don’t need to be named after a Greek philosopher to see that. Nobody can tell the difference between our languages anyway and most people are surprised to find out that we are not the same country. We both make paella, we both have sunny and warm climes.’
Despite this, the plan is not universally popular. Former Spanish PM, The Most Excellent Don José Mariá Aznar, is on record as saying: ‘Personally, I think Portugal is feeling the pinch after the whole Maddie McCann affair. Plus their names are all ridiculously long. This whole thing smacks of desperation to me. What’s wrong with just asking Basshunter to remix Viva España?’
However, an additional boost to the plan was received this week when Michael Gove announced that the merged country would qualify for flagship sports academy status from the British Government, bringing with it the valuable pupil premium that could raise €7bn in additional income, as well as providing somewhere to outsource troublesome yet athletically gifted working class children.
[With large nod to RetiredPublicServant]