An accountant for the Chilean mining company said ‘33 miners at 12 hrs a shift for 67 days, we’re expecting a bumper load of gold & copper. It’ll take at least a week to get it all up here. If the shaft is still intact after that we’ll evacuate the miners the same way. We haven’t decided what to charge them yet for using the new tunnel but it did cost a lot of money and they really don’t have much choice. It’s simple supply and demand.’
Families of the trapped miners have criticized the company for flouting safety rules. Despite this the local Health & Safety official said there was absolutely no need for an enquiry before leaving in his brand new Mercedes. The Government minister responsible for mine safety was unavailable for comment as he’s been on an all expenses paid fact finding mission in the Bahamas for the last 10 weeks.
The mine is the worlds largest source of ‘golden copper’ a special alloy renowned for it’s cheap looking brassy qualities and the main constituent of Chavvy Jewelry. Stocks have run dangerously low after the mine disaster leading to shortages. World famous jeweler Elizabeth Duke has flown in to personally supervise the efforts to rescue the gold.
Handcrafted by Elizabeth Duke
Muggings on provincial council estates are said to be up by 200% as shops run out of sovereign rings. With hundreds of them being written off each week in drunken pub fights they’ve become more valuable than stolen iPhones. Large hoop earrings are also in short supply with some women resorting to copper fuse wire, this has led to an outbreak of green-ear.