Anne Widdecombe MP, who last week, was disqualified, from "Strictly Cum Dancing", and who managed to bribe her way back into the contest, has been left exposed and rumbled tonight, after a disaster on the dance floor, during a live broadcast of the show....
During an ambitious dance routine, with partner Anton The-Burke, in which he tried to toss Anne Widdecombe up in the air, and then catch her, he failed to do so, on account of the fact that she is so heavy.
Anton felt himself losing grip of her, and grabbed her hair, but was shocked, to find, that it was in fact a wig, which subsequently came off in his hands.
Still trying to grab a hold of frumpy Anne Widdecome, this time wearing a blue and white frock in a hideous 'Alice in Wonderland' design, he grabbed hold of her dress, which tore off leaving Anne Widdecome, exposed as not only a huge lump of misshapen lard, but a man!
Anne Widdecombe is really a man in drag.
Red faced by the revelation, Anne Widdecome, whose real name has been revealed to be Walter Will-He-Cum, was left frozen and wooden with embarrassment, on the dance floor, whilst Anton The-Burke, fled in shock horror, taking refuge off stage.
The audience were left wondering whether to clap or boo, so they did both, whilst the horrified judges, who failed to spot the hideous truth, were forced to stop the contest and review the whole event.
One of the Judges by the name of Bruno Tonioli-Tobacco, was heard to remark that "It was somewhere between horror and comedy".
Walter-Will-He-Cum, still standing frozen to the spot on stage, with a bulge in his Y fronts, found himself in the role of a rabbit caught in the headlights, with the audience starting spiral fast out of control, as many leapt onto the stage, to batter him with shoes and handbags.
The security officers didn't fancy the task of man-handling Walter Will-He-Cum, off the stage, a sorry sight for anyone to have to look at, let alone handle.
Walter Will-He-Cum, left exposed in bulging Y fronts and a stuffed fake bra, resembled an ugly Sumo Wrestler, that had more spare tyres than a Michelin Tyre man.
To say that the sight was revolting, would be a gross understatement, apparently.
Walter Will-He-Cum, a mass of rolls of flab and fat, with legs that would make tree trunks, look like impersonators of anorexics like Victoria Beckham made many shriek with fright at first.
One man from the audience by the name of Sidney Stickles shouted "Yuk you are a sight that would give anyone seriously sore eyes".
30 disgusted women from the audience, battered Walter Will-He-Cum senseless with their handbags, whilst 40 men from the audience beat him black and blue with their shoes.
Eventually Walter Will-He-Cum fell to the floor on stage, and was left cowering, underneath members of the bashing, angry and betrayed audience, leaving security officers, reluctantly assisting police officers, to pitch in and break up the riot.
Walter Will-He-Cum was dragged off stage, by security officers and police, and taken away for his own protection, in a police van.
Police have charged Walter Will-He-Cum with false representation and affray, and for impersonating a female in the course of parliamentary work, as well as, as a contestant on Strictly Cum Dancing.
In Soho Crown Court this afternoon Walter Will-He-Cum appeared before Judge David Everage-Grayson who told Walter Will-He-Cum that it was a very serious criminal offence to impersonate someone of a different gender, with the express purpose, of taking advantage of the position, or power, that this afforded them, and that in doing so, in order to obtain a ministerial position, and place on a Television reality show, was an intolerable act of misrepresentation, and tantamount to fraud, which carried a serious penalty.
Walter Will-He-Cum in a now masculine voice but quivering and shaking in the dock told the court that he never imagined he could make in life as man and he had always preferred to dress in feminine clothing as it suited him better.
Judge Everage-Grayson told Walter Will-He-Cum that he was surprised that he had managed to carry off his muse given that he hardly looked feminine in the first instance.
Dressed in baggy brown trousers, and a dark gray T Shirt, with novelty black print sock, and men's lace up black shoes, Walter Will-He-Cum looked like a hideous dyke, or a man in drag, that was visually challenged, with a tendency to colour blindness, these were clothes, which the Television studio, had retrieved from what was thought to be Anne Widdecombes dressing room, back stage.
Judge Everage-Grayson fined Walter Will-He-Cum, 900,000 for damages to the public's eyesight, on and off the television set, £2,000 in court costs, and sent him to Wormwood Scrubs Prison, for 20 years, for fraudulent misrepresentation.
He will serve his time on the Bovver Boot Wing of the prison, where he will be made to wear more masculine clothing, and have daily shock treatment for his delusional and intellectually challenged behaviour.
In between his doses of shock treatment, he will be made to work in the prison laundry, where he will be made to clean up his act.
Walter Will-He-Cum will share a cell with George Michael and a brutal man who dislikes effeminate men, by the name of Bruce Butch-Hatchet, it is expected that Walter Will-He-Cum and George Michael, will have learn to develop some control over their sexual deviancies.
More news later, watch this space minus men in drag.