UK Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clogg...... sorry Clegg, who is a self confessed atheist, and notorious contentious objector, of 'faith' schools, has hypocritically announced today, that he is following in the footsteps, of former UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair Witch, and sending his eldest son, to the elite London based, Catholic Witchcraft School, "All Warts" which is the English equivalent, of the Scottish based, Hogwarts.
Antonio Clogg.... sorry... Clegg, who is 9 years old, and the oldest of 3 Clegg children, will be learning all forms of witchcraft, and has been bought his first Grimoire for recording his spells in as well as a special broomstick, none other than a Nimbus 2000.
Headmaster David Snape-McMadden, gave the Cleggs, a tour of the school, and they are reported to have been very happy with what they saw.
Father Voldemort, who teaches black magic to S level ...S level being Satantic level, gave the Cleggs, a demonstration in how to turn an enemy into a newt, which impressed the Cleggs, as they are known to have a strong dislike of William Hague and Anne Widdecombe, not to mention, ironically, Tony and Cherie Blair Witch.
Father Humphrey Belcher, who teaches Cheese Cauldron research, gave a demonstration in how to melt rotten cheese in a cauldron, to make a deadly poison.
Father Professor Quirinus Quirrel , teaches Dark Arts and Satanic Possession, he gave a demonstration on how to rob people of their possession of mind, and successfully hoodwinked the Cleggs, into believing that this was a good school for their son to study at.
Father Cuthbert Mockridge, who is head of the Goblin Liason office, which deals with overly greedy pupils, who eat too much in the school canteen, gave the Cleggs, a lecture on 'healthy eating in moderation', he served up some sample dishes for the Cleggs, to try out, some of which included, Roast Frog with Green Slime Gravy, Boiled Gremlin with Peas cooked in Bat drippings, and Sticky Goo pudding with Goblin Brains.
The Cleggs thought the school at least offered an original menu, and that it would give their son Antonio, a more discerning palate.
Father Tom Riddle, who teaches spell biology and warlock sex education, was viewed as somewhat effeminate, to the Cleggs, but they deemed this to be expected, in a typical Blairite Catholic Public School.
There are no female teachers at the All Warts School but no surprise there.
The Cleggs, have homes in Chutney in London, and also in the Beak District of Derbyshire, which is another reason why they decided to send their eldest son to All Warts, because they teach pupils how to fly on Broomsticks, which of course enable the children to rise above the congested roads and railways, the normal bugbear of all commuters.
The news that Nick Clegg has decided to send his eldest son to All Warts, has sparked an outrage in UK because of the fact that Nick Clegg had previously made a political manifesto to the effect that he wanted to dismantle the existence and continuance of 'faith' schools in the UK.
The break in his pledge to enforce this manifesto has afforded him widespread criticism especially in the light of Nick Clegg having been introduced to the Pope earlier this year, despite his atheistic stance.
Nick Clegg was recently heard to remark, that:
"Faith schools should teach that homosexuality is 'normal and harmless'".
His remark, has subsequently fuelled speculation, that Nick Clegg, has had illicit affairs with both William Vague....sorry....Hague, and also Christopher Mythers,
Our reporter noted a glint in the eyes of Nick Clegg,.... when he was introduced by to the somewhat effeminate Father Tom Riddle, at the All Warts school earlier today.
Antonio Clogg ...sorry Clegg is due to start attending All Warts School on Halloween, later this year.
Antonio Clegg is known to be partial to wearing pink fluffy slippers around the house, just as his father Nick does, further fuelling suspicions that they are a tad effeminate.
We shall of course keep you updated on this story.
More news later, watch this space.... minus effeminate frogs on broomsticks.