Middle East Envy, and former UK Prime Minister, Tony Blair Witch, has been kidnapped by the Poliban, who specialize in kidnapping Politicians, for the Taliban, and getting them banned from working in their political capacity.
30 members of the Poliban, ambushed Tony Blair Witch, and bundled him into an egg truck, in Northern Iraq as Tony Blair left a conference tent, following a meeting with the current Prime Minister of Iraq, No-Leak-attacky.
It took 29 Poliban members, to man handle Tony Blair Witch's ego, into the egg truck, and one Poliban Member, to manhandle his single brain cell into the truck, the most heavy weight, of the Poliban members, had been tasked with the job, of kidnapping Tony Blair Witch.
The Poliban ,are thought to be holding Tony Blair Witch, in an egg shed, in the province of What-egg-it.
The Poliban, want Tony Blair banned, from his post as the Middle East Envy, as they are sick and tired of his nonsensical ramblings, boring mumbo jumbo and ever increasingly irritating, ego babble, not to mention his insistence on trying to get the Taliban, to learn witchcraft, as taught by Tony Blair Witch himself, in collusion with his wife Cherie.
One Poliban member, by the name of Ali-skull A-Pain, has a particular dislike, of Cherie Blair, and once remarked, at a previous conference in Iraq:
"She have face cut out of scrap metal, by blind man, on very bad day".
The Poliban said that they will egg Tony Blair Witch to death, in their egg shed, if they don't get assurances from the west that Tony Blair Witch, will be relieved of his job as Middle East Envy, with immediate notice.
They gave the West just 24 hours, to announce that Tony Blair Witch, has been dismissed from this role.
Tony Blair Witch, tried to insist that they allow him, to make a public broadcast, about his predicament, on live Iraqi television, but the leader of the Poliban insisted that he would only crack the television camera lenses, and make all Iraqi nationals want to flee Iraq, as he is a most hated man there.
The Poliban, have said that Tony Blair Witch, is hated so much by the Iraqi people, that when he has been seen on television in Iraq, many of the Iraqi viewers, have even bombed their own Television sets, just so that they won't have to get up off their floor cushions, to turn their television sets off, wasting any valuable human energy on him.
British diplomats, trying not to negotiate with the Poliban, for the safety of Tony Blair Witch, whilst he is in captivity with them, have been told that that Tony Blair Witch is for now safe, and being fed well, on rotten eggs, which they believed was his favourite food, outside of soles of shoes...... they are trying to wipe the smirk off his face with those.
Diplomats have been told by Western leaders, that they had hoped that this would happen to Tony Blair Witch, so that they could rid politics, of his egotistical presence, once and for all.
In the light of this, they are going to refuse to announce publically, that they are going to relieve Tony Blair Witch of his role as Middle East Envy, they went on to add, that since Tony Blair Witch, is into martyrdom, that he would want them to stand firm and let him take what is coming to him, as a result.
The Poliban, wondered if the West were just trying to call their bluff, into releasing Tony Blair Witch, after all they didn't want to be stuck with him either.
The Poliban and the Taliban are now meeting to decide what to do with Tony Blair Witch now that they appear to be stuck with him, it is thought that they will leave him gagged and bound in the underground egg shed to rot to death along with the other rotten eggs in the bunker.
We shall of course not update you with this story as we know you couldn't care less.
More news later, watch this space.