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1. 

   throngsman
   

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   Chip and Tony are slugging it out at the top, while Wren and I are just having a friendly battle. As usual all the links are on the blogblogblog.

   

   Posted 1 year ago #

2. 

   Newsdesk
   

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   Shouldn't I be in there with a hat tip, or should I get used to being excluded?

   http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2019/09/09/kim-jong-un-proposes-eu-border-at-54th-parallel/

   Posted 1 year ago #

3. 

   Benvoleo
   

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   Can't have people unaware that you are in joint last place.

   Posted 1 year ago #

4. 

   Newsdesk
   

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   Ooh! Hark at Mr Smartypants with his NiB and a Ticker.

   Posted 1 year ago #

5. 

   throngsman
   

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   ND - I'll sort it out tonight. Thanks for letting me know

   Posted 1 year ago #

6. 

   Newsdesk
   

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   I always suspected that you work under the cover of darkness.

   Posted 1 year ago #

7. 

   Wrenfoe
   

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   'Friendly'? FRIENDLY??? It's to the death I tell you, to the death! Mwahahahahahahaha!

   Posted 1 year ago #

8. 

   throngsman
   

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   Hat tip restored (I missed it) and apepper is now identified correctly on the scoreboard and on the final WOTM blog listing

   Posted 1 year ago #

9. 

   throngsman
   

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   Tonymc81 has had a stormer of a month, but as he's the current holder of the virtual mug he can't be WOTM second month on the bounce, thanks to the Wren rule. Consequently Wren wins this month, thanks to the - er - Wren rule. Full results with links on the blog

   

   Tickers

   Adrian Bamforth

   Boris Johnson’s dog to be named The Littlest Bojo
   Everyone gets free poppadoms after India moon probe fails to arrive
   Hip Hip Harare
   Hysterical laughter heard from the May household. Much more soon

   Al Opecia

   Hip Hip Harare
   Incredible Hulk turns into the Invisible Man. More soon.
   John Humphrys relieved at never having to giggle through a science story again. More soon.

   Antharrison

   See you next Tuesday, Boris. More soon

   apepper

   Boris says he’ll answer corruption charges “for the right price”"
   Boris pledges to build 350 million hospitals a week
   Daily Mail fury at drowned foreign children; “There’s too few”

   Beckfordburger

   Gina Miller ‘Really Annoyed Face’ set to be this year’s top Halloween Mask. More later.

   Benvoleo

   Defence Minister who said the plan was to shit all over democracy ‘misspoke’ – he meant say ‘poop’. More later.

   Bookiesfriend

   HS2 to be delayed for 5 years, replacement bus service in operation

   Chipchase

   Second Brexit referendum question framed: ‘Are you still a bigot and racist?’

   Dick Everyman

   Excited canines looking forward to imminent polling station photo opportunities.
   UK farmers draw lots over suitable ditches for Boris Johnson

   Duncan Biscuit

   New Downing Street dog being trained to sit but not stay

   Gerontius

   RED – RED AMBER – GREEN – AMBER….GO
   Woman swimming Channel finally makes her mind up. More soon.

   Ian Searle

   Boris Johnson tells Europe ‘the dog ate my proposals’. More soon.

   Littlespender

   Carrie Symonds urges extreme caution after calls to “get Johnson out”

   m4x

   Bullying chef seeks submissive waiter – can dish it out but can’t take it
   Government crisis level officially raised from amber to rudd. More to follow.
   UK political storm leaves 17.4m residents without power

   MADJEZ

   Boycott pleased as Punch over knighthood. More soon
   Fears for the lonely as PPI calls stop. More soon

   Mick Turate

   Boris Johnson checks out DeadinDitches.com
   Jo Johnson resigns to spend less time with his family

   Midfield Diamond

   Hornets not amused by swarm of wafer-thin chocolate mint jokes
   Yellowhammer on No-Deal Brexit: ‘A little bit of bread and no cheese’. More soon

   nickb

   Cummings could be goings

   NotNowCato

   Bonsai Tree entrepreneur so successful ‘he’s moving to smaller premises’. More soon.

   Oxbridge

   ‘I didn’t lie to the Queen,’ says lying liar Johnson, lying again. More lies soon
   Bercow ‘stood up for Parliament’ but no-one noticed. More soon

   QorbeQ

   Johnson to arrange repatriation of Parliament via Thomas Cook.

   ron cawleyoni

   10 Downing Street now known as ‘Borisea Dogs Home’
   British Fish and Chip shops accused of Jumping the Shark
   Citizens of Manchester accused of inflicting cruelty upon Hornets.
   Thighs the limit for Boris as he seeks advice from Prince Andrew. More soon
   Thomas Cooked

   Sarah tipper

   TUC conference agrees cheesy biscuits are great. More soon

   Silly Billy Scotland

   Former Minister for Work & Pensions declares Boris unfit for work.
   Johnson goes from ruthless to rudderless. More soon

   Sir Lupus

   Jealous US Democrats try to get headlines back from UK
   Struggling to get your Brexit ideas down on paper? Write for NewsBiscuit instead.

   Sydalg

   Shock as Mugabe voted back to life by 99.9% of Zimbabweans

   Thackeray

   Brexit mess latest: Daleks cancel UK invasion plans – “Nope! Not worth our time”
   Labour Activist condemns NHS for having to wait two days on trolley to abuse PM. More soon.
   LSD to be added to House of Parliament’s water supply to help calm things down

   Titus

   Atty McAttenboroface Names Boat
   Cleveland Police Chief Fails To Issue Statement After His Notes & Mic Are Stolen
   Commons demands that government reveal how to spell ‘prorogation’. More soon
   Disorganised rebels complain that Boris cheated by getting his act together. More later.
   God Decides To Switch Earth Off & Back On Again – Says That’ll Sort The Bastards

   Tonymc81

   Boris rules out a hunger strike if he is sent to prison
   Brewery to uphold tradition and name London Pubs after girls Andrew fiddled with. More later.
   Cummings accuses Downing Street Dog of being a Mole
   Greater Anglia trains trial faster passenger disembarkation system
   Greece refuses to refund or replace UK’s broken democracy
   Lib Dems hope to grow numbers by recycling preloved MPs,says Jo Swinson
   Naughty Boris has pocket money stopped by Cummings over parliamentary defeats
   RSPCA to investigate alledged Frogmarching at 10 Downing Street. More later.
   Tory party to share a room at party conference hotel

   Waggys Dog

   Stanley Johnson resigns as Boris Johnson’s Dad

   Posted 1 year ago #

10. 

    ron cawleyoni
    

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    Congratz to Wren and Tony Mc,Tony can console himself being top of the unofficial ticker
    table.Plus proverbial thanks to Throngsman for spreadsheeting it all the time if thats what its called.

    Posted 1 year ago #

11. 

    Titus
    

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    Congrats to those wot done well, sympathy to those wot didn't win and thanks to Mr Throngsman, as always.
    _ _ _

    If at any time I should ever find myself in the lead (God help us all!) I would of course immediately ask the Queen / his majesty John O'Farrell / Our Masters to prorogue NewsBiscuit until the end of that month. And just hope my fellow contributors didn't then set Spiderwoman onto me.

    Posted 1 year ago #

12. 

    tonymc81
    

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    Many thanks Throngman. I'm happy to give the mug back after having it for a month. The chip was already in it, when I was given it. Honest.

    Posted 1 year ago #

13. 

    Chipchase
    

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    The chip was already in it,

    How dare you, sir! You will be hearing from my representatives in due course.

    Well done Wren, you rule! :-)

    Well done TM as ever and finally - God bless us, every one!

    Posted 1 year ago #

14. 

    Gerontius
    

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    Well done one and all for keeping the place going.
    And a big thank you to Throngsman for going the extra mile.

    Posted 1 year ago #

15. 

    Wrenfoe
    

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    Very sensible rule, that 'Wren Rule'

    Posted 1 year ago #

16. 

    Adrian Bamforth
    

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    On an entirely technical note, the fourth of my tickets above was definitely not mine, while one that was is also listed under Al Opecia, though this might just be a simple copy/paste error.

    Posted 1 year ago #

17. 

    throngsman
    

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    though this might just be a simple copy/paste error.

    More likely a sinister attempt by me to subvert the whole world of satire reporting. Or the duty editor inadvertently picked the wrong name from the drop down list. If I spot a ticker or sub as being inadvertently applied to another person I change it. Looks like I missed it.

    Posted 1 year ago #

18. 

    TechGuy
    

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    Key Master

    MugExit for Tony
    MugJoin for Wren

    Congrats all and thanks to Throngsman as always

    Posted 1 year ago #

19. 

    dominic_mcg
    

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    Wow! Can't remember the last time I didn't score a single point!

    Congrats Wren and thanks Throngsman :)

    Posted 1 year ago #

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