Chip and Tony are slugging it out at the top, while Wren and I are just having a friendly battle. As usual all the links are on the blogblogblog.
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Shouldn't I be in there with a hat tip, or should I get used to being excluded?
http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2019/09/09/kim-jong-un-proposes-eu-border-at-54th-parallel/
Can't have people unaware that you are in joint last place.
Ooh! Hark at Mr Smartypants with his NiB and a Ticker.
ND - I'll sort it out tonight. Thanks for letting me know
I always suspected that you work under the cover of darkness.
'Friendly'? FRIENDLY??? It's to the death I tell you, to the death! Mwahahahahahahaha!
Hat tip restored (I missed it) and apepper is now identified correctly on the scoreboard and on the final WOTM blog listing
Tonymc81 has had a stormer of a month, but as he's the current holder of the virtual mug he can't be WOTM second month on the bounce, thanks to the Wren rule. Consequently Wren wins this month, thanks to the - er - Wren rule. Full results with links on the blog
Tickers
Adrian Bamforth
Boris Johnson’s dog to be named The Littlest Bojo
Everyone gets free poppadoms after India moon probe fails to arrive
Hip Hip Harare
Hysterical laughter heard from the May household. Much more soon
Al Opecia
Hip Hip Harare
Incredible Hulk turns into the Invisible Man. More soon.
John Humphrys relieved at never having to giggle through a science story again. More soon.
Antharrison
See you next Tuesday, Boris. More soon
apepper
Boris says he’ll answer corruption charges “for the right price”"
Boris pledges to build 350 million hospitals a week
Daily Mail fury at drowned foreign children; “There’s too few”
Beckfordburger
Gina Miller ‘Really Annoyed Face’ set to be this year’s top Halloween Mask. More later.
Benvoleo
Defence Minister who said the plan was to shit all over democracy ‘misspoke’ – he meant say ‘poop’. More later.
Bookiesfriend
HS2 to be delayed for 5 years, replacement bus service in operation
Chipchase
Second Brexit referendum question framed: ‘Are you still a bigot and racist?’
Dick Everyman
Excited canines looking forward to imminent polling station photo opportunities.
UK farmers draw lots over suitable ditches for Boris Johnson
Duncan Biscuit
New Downing Street dog being trained to sit but not stay
Gerontius
RED – RED AMBER – GREEN – AMBER….GO
Woman swimming Channel finally makes her mind up. More soon.
Ian Searle
Boris Johnson tells Europe ‘the dog ate my proposals’. More soon.
Littlespender
Carrie Symonds urges extreme caution after calls to “get Johnson out”
m4x
Bullying chef seeks submissive waiter – can dish it out but can’t take it
Government crisis level officially raised from amber to rudd. More to follow.
UK political storm leaves 17.4m residents without power
MADJEZ
Boycott pleased as Punch over knighthood. More soon
Fears for the lonely as PPI calls stop. More soon
Mick Turate
Boris Johnson checks out DeadinDitches.com
Jo Johnson resigns to spend less time with his family
Midfield Diamond
Hornets not amused by swarm of wafer-thin chocolate mint jokes
Yellowhammer on No-Deal Brexit: ‘A little bit of bread and no cheese’. More soon
nickb
Cummings could be goings
NotNowCato
Bonsai Tree entrepreneur so successful ‘he’s moving to smaller premises’. More soon.
Oxbridge
‘I didn’t lie to the Queen,’ says lying liar Johnson, lying again. More lies soon
Bercow ‘stood up for Parliament’ but no-one noticed. More soon
QorbeQ
Johnson to arrange repatriation of Parliament via Thomas Cook.
ron cawleyoni
10 Downing Street now known as ‘Borisea Dogs Home’
British Fish and Chip shops accused of Jumping the Shark
Citizens of Manchester accused of inflicting cruelty upon Hornets.
Thighs the limit for Boris as he seeks advice from Prince Andrew. More soon
Thomas Cooked
Sarah tipper
TUC conference agrees cheesy biscuits are great. More soon
Silly Billy Scotland
Former Minister for Work & Pensions declares Boris unfit for work.
Johnson goes from ruthless to rudderless. More soon
Sir Lupus
Jealous US Democrats try to get headlines back from UK
Struggling to get your Brexit ideas down on paper? Write for NewsBiscuit instead.
Sydalg
Shock as Mugabe voted back to life by 99.9% of Zimbabweans
Thackeray
Brexit mess latest: Daleks cancel UK invasion plans – “Nope! Not worth our time”
Labour Activist condemns NHS for having to wait two days on trolley to abuse PM. More soon.
LSD to be added to House of Parliament’s water supply to help calm things down
Titus
Atty McAttenboroface Names Boat
Cleveland Police Chief Fails To Issue Statement After His Notes & Mic Are Stolen
Commons demands that government reveal how to spell ‘prorogation’. More soon
Disorganised rebels complain that Boris cheated by getting his act together. More later.
God Decides To Switch Earth Off & Back On Again – Says That’ll Sort The Bastards
Tonymc81
Boris rules out a hunger strike if he is sent to prison
Brewery to uphold tradition and name London Pubs after girls Andrew fiddled with. More later.
Cummings accuses Downing Street Dog of being a Mole
Greater Anglia trains trial faster passenger disembarkation system
Greece refuses to refund or replace UK’s broken democracy
Lib Dems hope to grow numbers by recycling preloved MPs,says Jo Swinson
Naughty Boris has pocket money stopped by Cummings over parliamentary defeats
RSPCA to investigate alledged Frogmarching at 10 Downing Street. More later.
Tory party to share a room at party conference hotel
Waggys Dog
Stanley Johnson resigns as Boris Johnson’s Dad
Congratz to Wren and Tony Mc,Tony can console himself being top of the unofficial ticker
table.Plus proverbial thanks to Throngsman for spreadsheeting it all the time if thats what its called.
Congrats to those wot done well, sympathy to those wot didn't win and thanks to Mr Throngsman, as always.
_ _ _
If at any time I should ever find myself in the lead (God help us all!) I would of course immediately ask the Queen / his majesty John O'Farrell / Our Masters to prorogue NewsBiscuit until the end of that month. And just hope my fellow contributors didn't then set Spiderwoman onto me.
Many thanks Throngman. I'm happy to give the mug back after having it for a month. The chip was already in it, when I was given it. Honest.
The chip was already in it,
How dare you, sir! You will be hearing from my representatives in due course.
Well done Wren, you rule! :-)
Well done TM as ever and finally - God bless us, every one!
Well done one and all for keeping the place going.
And a big thank you to Throngsman for going the extra mile.
Very sensible rule, that 'Wren Rule'
On an entirely technical note, the fourth of my tickets above was definitely not mine, while one that was is also listed under Al Opecia, though this might just be a simple copy/paste error.
though this might just be a simple copy/paste error.
More likely a sinister attempt by me to subvert the whole world of satire reporting. Or the duty editor inadvertently picked the wrong name from the drop down list. If I spot a ticker or sub as being inadvertently applied to another person I change it. Looks like I missed it.
MugExit for Tony
MugJoin for Wren
Congrats all and thanks to Throngsman as always
Wow! Can't remember the last time I didn't score a single point!
Congrats Wren and thanks Throngsman :)
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