US resort to shooting down their own planes
In the absence of RAF planes operating in the region, the US have resorted to shooting their own planes down. 'As a matter of principle we prefer to shoot down Allied aircraft, but with only Israel taking part it's difficult. We wouldn't dare shooting down one of Bibi's,' said a US spokesman. 'We're hopeful the UK will join us soon, as we're running out of our own planes to down,' he added.
A bible reading from the Book of Epic Fury
And it came to pass that Israel, spoilt child of America, waxed exceeding wrath at the Persians and smote them with all the stuff that America had given them. And lo, they slew the supreme leader, whereupon they and their sugar daddy Donald fell to gloating and cackling whilst amongst the chief Persians there was a wailing and a gnashing of teeth. And then the Persians waxed wrath and smote all the countries around them which were America's allies - which wasn't the plan. Ver
It's called Operation EPIC FURY, here's what they rejected...
Rejected names for the US “War/Award Winning Peace Deal” with Iran: Operation Rock Hard Justice Operation Suck My Freedom Operation Spurting Democracy Operation Lets Murder Dem (Racial Slur Redacted) Operation Engorged Anger Operation Kiss Your Ayatollah Goodbye Operation Security Failure – Stop Sharing This On Group Chat Special Military Operation II – The Distraction
Putin explains to Trump that he's getting it all wrong
'Look, mate - (1) None of this 'Major combat operation'. Bit of a giveaway, and sounds far too aggressive. It's always a 'Special military operation.' (2) You're not attacking a 'foreign country'. Iran is and always has been an integral part of the United states of America, like Canada, Greenland and Venezuela. It's just been acting like a breakaway province in recent decades. But you are liberating it and its people. (3) Don't just drop bombs on it and fire missiles at
USA bombs Epstein news
In a bold pre-emptive strike, Tehran will be the lucky recipients of distraction missiles and a large explosion of smoke and mirrors.
Family voting 'definitely the problem' say Reform
'We've known for some time the family voting is the reason we keep losing elections,' said a Reform spokesman 'Muslim families don't vote for us because we want to deport them. Selfish.'
Hannah Spencer sucks teeth and mutters, 'Which cowboy was in here before me?'
'Whoever did this… Christ on a bike…. this is taking the piss to be honest. I’d say the whole lot has to come out and skipped.'
Poor Peter's the victim in all this, say Mandelson's lawyers
'The Metropolitan Police only arrested our client because they thought he was a flight risk.' whined the Prince of Darkness' legal team.
Andrew to stand as Reform UK by-election candidate
'Andrew is an arrogant, obnoxious, feckless, ignorant failure who has a gripe against the world,' said a spokes-skunk for Reform UK. 'He fits in perfectly'
Supreme Court challenges Trump order to have statues on him installed in every street
Trump has ordered every US state erect a statue of him outside the state government building and have an image of him prominently displayed in every classroom.
