Chancellor George Osborne has let it be known that a key element of the upcoming Comprehensive Spending Review is a bold initiative to simply lop a quarter off everything.
‘This shows we’re serious about paying down the deficit and living within our means. The PM and I have talked it through and we’re already leading the way. David has let the under-footman go from his second smallest breakfast room and I’ve courageously decided to do without the flunky on the landing who flicks lint from my shoulders.’
Experts agree that the effects of the decision could be significant and long lasting. The Royal Geographic Society for example are concerned about the globe only having three corners in future.
Religious groups are campaigning for an exception to retain all four horsemen of the apocalypse although an X-factor style vote-off remains a possibility according to sources close to the Holy Father.
Lobbyists are likely to press hard for the new initiative to not be retrospectively applied. People are particularly concerned about the Fab Four becoming the Fab Three, the Three Musketeers having to have surgery and the Telly Tubbies simply coming back in any form.
Ministers were unable to confirm which of the four home nations was likely to be abolished or merged although combining England and Scotland using parts of their current names was thought to be popular amongst officials and truly reflective of our historic links. England it is then.