Team GB Mark Lewis-Francis blamed a pre-race curry for not getting gold in the Commonwealth Games 100metre final today.
'Bloody native butter chicken' moaned Lewis-Francis. 'When I heard that starting pistol go it caused my arse to have the biggest evacuation since Dunkirk'.
At least Lewis-Francis had the consolation of being undone by his own bowells unlike his competitors in the lanes either side of him who both suffered similar slip ups thanks to his dodgy belly.
'At least I opted for the mild biryani last night and only farted on the line' complained Canadian runner Ben Sampson ' Lewis-francis is moaning about not getting gold but what about me. I finished bloody last and i'll never get the stains out of those $2000 purpose built running shoes I had made specially for these games'.