James Lafferty, an unemployed scaffolder has filed a lawsuit against the Devil for persistently failing in his duty to find work for idle hands.
“Initially I found the Devil much easier to deal with than those idiots who dole out Job Seekers Allowance” said Mr Lafferty, 24. “They asked me to turn up every other Wednesday between 10.30 and 12, which was frankly inconvenient, especially when I’d been out on a bender on a Tuesday. So I signed up with the Devil, on the understanding that my hands wouldn’t be idle for long.”
“But that was three months ago and I have heard absolutely diddly from Old Nick. I am beginning to doubt that he even exists.”
Following news of the writ, a spokesperson for Office of the Lord of the Flies released the following statement: “We currently extremely busy dealing with a backlog of souls which have been flooding in from Conservative party headquarters since June. We’d be grateful if Mr Lafferty and other idle-handed layabouts could bear with us during one of our busiest periods.”