‘Even spiders hate wasps…’ is not the name of Lady Gaga’s latest album but rather the latest shocking revelation from the internecine wars currently underway in the insect world. Despite spiders themselves being unpopular with many people due to their malevolent scuttling and eight eyes, they instead claim that wasps represent a true menace to society.
One local arachnid told us that she was constantly being bothered by wasps: “They come over here, nicking our apples and claiming benefits. You get one or two come over and they’re okay but before you know it, they’ve bought up a row of houses and there are bloody thousands of them. None of them work, house prices go down the toilet, and the schools are full of them. I mean, I’m not racist but they even all look alike to me.”
We spoke to Dr Guttierez, a top Nature scientist and author of the study: “Just Stand Still!”, to ask him whether this was purely nimbyism. “My research shows that many people say they still prefer not to have wasps living in their backyard but that’s just simple prejudice.” He also decried the so-called ‘war on wasps’ as barbaric and unnecessary; a controversial view indeed amid accusations that he has been romantically linked to a number of high profile wasps.
We tried to contact some wasps for a comment using a rolled up newspaper but a spokesperson told us that owing to the holiday season and the fact they are all dying, nobody was available for comment.