Trump's Epstein defence: 'I blew Bill Clinton's sax'
US President Donald Trump is aiming to pick just one of the many responses to allegations regarding his relationship with Jeffrey Epstein, and then attempt to stick with that.
Chancellor refuses to rule out tax on pets
Most news stories for the last month, and almost certainly for the next month, revolve around things that the Chancellor has neither ruled in, nor ruled out.
Starmer most hated PM? Hold my pint, says Streeting
Wes Streeting is touted as a natural replacement for Keir Starmer - someone we can universally despise.
Race to become BBC's new chief suit: who are you betting on?
Campaigning is underway amongst candidates vying for the top job in British broadcasting: Suit-General of the BBC.
More attacks by immigrants needed, say Reform
Reform politicians are growing 'increasingly concerned' about the low level of violence perpetrated by immigrants.
Trump to sue BBC over The Apprentice
President Trump has threatened to sue the BBC for a billion dollars, before putting his little finger up to his lips and laughing.
Physicists discover Trumpian Pressure
Scientists have discovered a large mass with improbable orange colouring which distorts truth the way a black hole distorts spacetime.
Nigel Farage commits to reintroducing - then filling - Workhouses for the poor
'Don't worry' Farage chortled 'My policies will make sure there are lots more poor British people - although I won't be one of them.'
Prisoners literally game the system using Monopoly cards
Multiple prisoners walked out of HMP Wandsworth yesterday after a Monopoly Set was dropped by Chance from a passing delivery drone. Several prisoners used the “Get out of Jail Free” cards on a confused and overwhelmed Parole Board. Two more rolled doubles and ended up going free, one with bonus Free Parking, amazing in itself in that area of London.
Reform Uk to adopt a cell structure for maximum opacity
Reform UK Ltd. will now be formed into individual cells where each Reform member is only associated with two others. Thereby if one member is doing something “ a bit naughty” or “ treasonous” then all knowledge of their existence can be happily denied by the rest of the organisation. Lee Anderson might form a cell on his own because of that smirk he does every time he farts.
