Secretary of State for Work & Pensions, Iain Dementia Smith who is currently at loggerheads with the Treasury amidst a reform of the welfare state; admitted today that he has been working and claiming invalidity benefits for his IBS (Irritable Buffoon Syndrome).
The admission comes as it was revealed that he had been under surveillance for 2 months by the Department of Work and Pensions (DWP) (otherwise known as the Department of Wicked Plonkers) fraud department.
Iain Dementia Smith broke down as he told the Gestapo (fraud officers at the DWP) that he didn't think his disability would persist and so he thought that ....
'One or two decades more wouldn't make too much of a dent in the state purse and besides, it was only for a few quid each week to cover him for the price of adult babies nappies which he needed for his IBS problem'.
Police officers searching the home of Iain Dementia Smith later found further incriminating evidence against him in the form of:
500 million stolen sick notes all with forged doctors signatures.
900,000 adult babies nappies and 90,000 safety pins for which he had no Mothercare receipt and are believed to have been stolen by Iain Dementia Smith.
and 50,000 bottles of prescription pills for senile dementia.
Iain Dementia Smith was dragged out of the DWP by angry potty trained policemen who took him away in a police van he was heard muttering "Thanks to you I'm in a shitty situation".
Later in Westminster Magistrates Courts Iain Dementia Smith pleaded guilty to working and claiming benefits, stealing adult babies nappies and safety pins from Mothercare and stick notes and dementia drugs from his local doctors surgery, not to mention soiling his nappy in the police van and abusing the potty trained policemen.
Iain Dementia Smith told the court that he was sorry for his crimes but said that he just couldn't help having the backside of a Baboon and the mind of a buffoon.
Magistrates disgusted at Iain Dementia Smith told him that they would not tolerate his setting a bad example to walking sick notes like those in Liverpool who like him, were work shy and intellectually challenged.
Magistrates went on to add that 'just because he was demented and that Dementia was his middle name, it didn't mean he could get away with abusing the public purse or his position'.
Iain Dementia Smith was sacked from his post as Secretary of State for Wicked Plonkers and remanded to The Florence NightingaleNightingale Psychiatric hospital in London for some shock treatment, his sentence for an indefinite period will see his invalidity benefit revoked, Iain Dementia Smith will have to pay for his own incarceration, and will spend the rest of his days in a 'go straight' jacket in a padded nappy cell on the Winnie the Pooh wing of the hospital.
Magistrates also fined Iain Dementia Smith £40 in compensation to the DWP, £2,000 court costs, and a further 300 million pounds to Mothercare for loss of nappies and safety pins, not mention £10 for loss if drugs to the his local health centre.
Iain Dementia Smith was a cry baby all the way to the Florence Nightingale Hospital he was denied paper tissues because he was considered wet enough.
More news later, watch this space.