Victoria and David Beckham are at loggerheads tonight after a woman calling herself "The Queen of Tarts" claims to have had a steamy affair with David, behind Victoria's back.
Victoria BeckhamVictoria Beckham irate and fuming mad, hurled a total of 6,000 jam tarts at David Beckham and then went after the Queen of Tarts and got into a cat fight.
David Beckham was unable to break up the fight between Victoria and the Queen of Tarts whose real name is In-ma Knickers and apparently a 'high class call girl', who slapped Victoria Beckham across the face, Victoria Beckham responded by hitting In-ma Knickers across her backside with a stick, resembling that of her own figure.
When David Beckham tried to disarm Victoria and keep In-ma, at arm's length, they turned on David and bashed him with their handbags, the assault continued until a crowd gathered to watch, outside In-ma's condominium, in Sleaze Drive in the New York's, Harlem area.
The verbal abuse shouted by both Victoria Beckham and In-ma was to say the least of choice Anglo Saxon slang, leaving many onlookers sporting disgusted expressions on their faces.
The fight got out of hand when Victoria Beckham tore In-ma's dress off, leaving her exposed in a basque and stockings.
In-ma responded by ripping Victoria Beckham's dress off revealing something that fortunately could not be seen side on as Victoria Beckham looks like something that just stepped out of Belsen.
Victoria responded by kicking and punching In-ma and ripping off her basque and stockings, but this caused In-ma to become even more irate to the point where she launched further attack on Victoria and ripped off her bra and knickers.
Both ladies now naked in the street, caused David Beckham to pitch back in to stop the punching that ensued, but Victoria so irate with David that she kicked David so hard between his legs that she caused him to double up in pain.
Victoria dragged In-ma by her hair and into a further combat, In-ma then responded by tugging at Victoria's hair until the pair finished up rolling around in the gutter, in the rain puddles and hot dog wrappers.
The police arrived and dragged the pair out of the gutter and after a thorough frisking down of their then naked bodies, officers shackled and handcuffed the pair of them and bundled them into the back of a police van.
An ambulance took David Beckham to the local emergency room for kicked balls treatments and shock whilst Victoria and In-ma were charged at the police precinct with indecent exposure, affray, assault, and disturbing the peace not to mention damages to spectators eyesight and offending common decency.
Later in New York Law Courts In-ma Knickers and Victoria Beckham appeared before Judge Roy Whip the 6th who demanded to know why they had shown no respect for the residents of the Harlem suburb by making such a spectacle of themselves.
Victoria Beckham called In-ma, a Tart and accused her of trying to steal her husband whilst In-ma told the court that David had come to her begging for sex with a woman that he could see side on as well as front on, he was fed up banging a bag of bones in essence a stick insect who was an outright bitch and acted like a toffee nosed spoilt brat.
Victoria Beckham became highly abusive on hearing In-ma's claims and had to be warned for contempt of court.
Judge Roy Whip the 3rd was left with no choice but to sentence the pair to 2 years in the state penitentiary for their disgusting behaviour and ordered that they be fined $30,000,000 each for damages to the eyesight of the crowd who witnessed their disgraceful behaviour in Harlem, and also $50,000,000 to David Beckham for damages to his meat and two veg and a further $1,000 in court costs plus $2,000 to the gutter in Harlem.
Victoria Beckham and In-ma Knickers were taken away in shackles to the state penitentiary, to a barrage of media attention outside the courts, who jeered all manner of comments of disdain at them, apart from a sex film producer who shouted , "Don't worry girls I'll give you two a job when you get out"
In 2004 newspapers published claims that David Beckham had an affair with his personal assistant Rebecca Loose-Morals. There was much speculation as what exactly she assisted him with, but she subsequently appeared in a TV programme demonstrating how to extract sperm from pigs. Rebecca Loose-Morals is obviously a dab hand in that department.
More news later watch this space.