HRH Prince Phillip the Duke of Edinburgh was back in the public spotlight today, it would appear that he is practically beyond hope, amidst, his, senile and geriatric juvenile delinquent behaviour...
This time he boarded a London bus from the Palace gates bound for Soho and was not content to ride on the bus like any other normal passenger, he commenced to lifting women's skirts through the gap in the back of the seats, and changing seats until he had lifted just about every woman's skirt on the bus.
His behaviour naturally, sparked an outrage amongst the angry female passengers as Prince Phillip asked each of them "Are you wearing Tartan knickers.... you don't mind if I have a look under your skirt do you, it's just that I am rather partial to Tartan knickers"?!
A 92 year old woman by the name of Nelly Sillabline, bashed Prince Phillip with her plastic umbrella, in disgust, after Prince Phillip not only dared to lift her skirt, through the gap, in the back of the bus seat, but then proceeded to try and undo her blouse to see if she was wearing a matching tartan bra!
Nelly Sillabline became most irate and called Prince Phillip a dirty old man, and went on to tell him that the Queen should keep him on a collar and leash and not let him out alone, she was most disgusted by his questionable behaviour and shouted for the bus conductor Mr Bruce Baddie, to throw him off the bus.
The Bus driver Mr Sidney Busker, stuck in heavy traffic was unable to stop the bus in order to throw Prince Phillip off it, but he managed to record the fiasco on the on board CCTV.
As the bus turned into Pimp Street Soho Prince Phillip was getting bashed by another irate bus passenger by the name of Ann Widdecombe, who was on her way to the House of Commons for a meeting.
Prince Phillip not wanting to handle her personally, used his rolled up umbrella to lift her skirt, but when the bus jerked, the sharp end of the umbrella stabbed her in the backside and ripped her silk knee length bloomers, rendering her into a serious temper and she commenced to telling Prince Phillip he was a senile disgrace to the nation, and should have treatment for his obsession with tartan underwear.
10 other woman on the same bus also pitched in and bashed Prince Phillip senseless for trying to lift their skirts on the bus.
Eileen Ackers who was one of the 10 abused women, told Prince Phillip that he was setting a bad example to the country and other senile delinquent gentlemen on their way to Soho, after Prince Phillip told her that he loved it when women lost their temper as it turned him on, and he never got near enough to the Queen, to wind her up as often as he would like to.
Miss Jean Brodie a school teacher on her way to Habberdashers School for young ladies, was another bus passenger abused by Prince Phillip, she became irate after Prince Phillip begged her to let him have a look to see if she was wearing a tartan bra, he tugged at the buttons on her blouse and ripped two of them off, she asked for the buttons back from Prince Phillip but he threw them out of the bus window, which made her even more incensed and she canned Prince Phillip 20 times.
She went on to try and make him write 200 lines on a piece of school file paper she was carrying saying "I must not abuse female passengers with my tartan fetish", Prince Phillip replied "You are not my teacher you old bat sit down and write the lines yourself, you are only jealous because I have a fetish and you are frigid"!
Former UK Prime Ministers wife Cherie Blair Witch tried to sit near Prince Phillip in the hope that he would try and lift her skirt but she escaped his mischief, as he told her that he found her rather repulsive and then proceeded to change seat to the one on the other side of the bus.
Eventually the bus reached Corset Street in Soho where police were called to arrest Prince Phillip for his unacceptable behaviour, he was dragged off the bus by very angry police who handcuffed him to stop him from molesting the female police officers in the back of the police van en route to the police station.
Prince Phillip was charged with fetish sexual abuse and affray not to mention offending common decency on public transport and also harassment.
Later in Soho Magistrates court, Prince Phillip appeared before Marjorie Mangle-Snipe the stipendiary magistrate who demanded to know why Prince Phillip saw fit to abuse the woman on the bus.
Prince Phillip said that a recent trip to Scotland had reminded him of a pleasure he was sorely missing, now that he was back in England, and that he was on the bus bound for Soho to watch a sexy film about a Tartan clad dominatrix who punished naughty boys, and that he had gotten a tad too excited, in anticipation of this, but didn't think the ladies on the bus would mind him taking a peak at their Tartan underwear, after all he was Prince Phillip"
Marjorie Mangle-Snipe was disgusted by Prince Phillip's audacious and perverse reason for his abuse, of his royal personage, and sent him to Brampton Mental hospital for 5 years of psychiatric treatment for his fetish and sexual perversions.
Prince Phillip has had his old age pension withdrawn until fines of £90,000 are paid off for damages to the women on the bus, and the cost of new blouses and buttons for Miss Jean Brodie and Nelly Sillabline, not to mention £3,000 in court costs and £2,000 for wasting police time.
A further £10,000 fine was imposed for damages to the London Bus company and the other passengers on the bus.
Marjorie Mangle-Snipe told Prince Phillip that he needed to get a grip of himself and start acting his age for once.
She ordered that Prince Phillip be taken from the court on a collar and leash and in handcuffs to stop him fiddling with anyone else's skirt or blouse.
Prince Phillip was taken from the court with a senile smirk on his face, shouting back at Marjorie Mangle-Snipe, that he would enjoy being nurse maided, it would make a change from being in the palace where he had no fun anymore.
Marjorie Mangle-Snipe on hearing this, from Prince Phillip, ordered that he must have some shock treatment for his dementia.
The Hells Grannies protest group were outside the court to jeer at Prince Phillip as he was bundled into a police van and taken to Brampton Mental Hospital, several of them pelted Prince Phillip with walking sticks and squirted carbolic soap at him, which they had put into washing up liquid bottles, especially for the protest.
One Hells Granny by the name of Bertha Bigot threw a packed of arsenic at Prince Phillip and shouted "You need putting down"!
Prince Phillip found her amusing as he likes angry bossy women.
Police told Prince Phillip to behave himself, as he went to kiss Bertha Bigot.
Prince Phillip was admitted to the Fruit and Nut ward at Brampton Mental hospital for the duration of his incarceration there.
It will now be safe for the next five years to board London buses if you are female wearing a blouse and skirt.
More news later, watch this space.