Sources close to the Large Hadron Collider have leaked an internal inquiry into the actions of scientists working on the multi-national project. It appears that a group of young interns have developed a novel way to get around the 27km circuit of the underground experiment.
Skate-boards or more correctly, long-boards, were placed on each side of the accelerator and then linked with a negatively-charged Kevlar arch. The resulting vehicle allowed two passengers to hitch a ride from the particles with the so-called “protonator” reaching speeds of up to 70 mph.
An un-named joy-rider told the enquiry, “The bow (arch) is like an aerial, allowing you to catch a good solid harmonic off the speeding protons. Bounce the bow at the right time and you just take off.”
CERN refused to answer questions, with the person who answered the phone saying, “We’re busy looking for extra dimensions in the universe this afternoon, actually. Plus we still have to bag the elusive Higgs boson, okay?”
Subsequently, the media-liaison officer sent out an email saying employment issues were private and that CERN was legally unable to refer to the case in any way.
Claims that those involved have resigned in order to launch a domestic version of the protonator are unconfirmed at this time.
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Scientists Suspended for Joy-Riding on Particle Accelerator
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Fishmilk
offlineMemberPosted 2 years ago #
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