To celebrate Facebook's fifty millionth subscriber, we're offering this once in a lifetime opportunity to own an exclusive limited edition, leather bound printed version of the website.
Bound in the softest Nepalese Yak scrotum, the 130 volumes are fully illustrated and contain the cream of the Facebook community's combined knowledge and wisdom in this unique offline / online experience.
You'll be amazed at the high quality images from around the world, showing exotic delights such as Sally Cresswell's cat's paw breast tattoos, 19 year old Kevin Pearce's recently smashed up Vauxhall Corsa 'It was fuckin brilliant'; and Kelly Robinson's delightful new born child's first photo, first smile, first burp, first nappy change, first vomit and so on and so forth etc, etc ad bloody nauseum.
You'll gasp at the many new and inventive ways that the English language can be corrupted, brutalised and bastardised with entries such as:- "Is off out soon bt tekin it easy tnyt. Wana b fresh f tmra nyt :)", "Yeh, your wright, I should of glassed the fukka" and the ever informative status update "chillaxin.com".
The richly detailed and fully indexed volumes also include comprehensive advice and instructions on how to successfully run your own cartoon farm, become a wealthy poker genius or dominate as the feared head of an evil mafia syndicate.
The 24 carat gold leaf embossed covers will grace any home's bookshelf, although as it's a printed book and not Heat magazine, no one is ever likely to bother to get one out and read it anyway.
To own this delightful set, simply send us your bank details and we'll debit your account by £49.99 per month, every month for the rest of your life. Issue 1 comes complete with this exciting free gift, a 12 month course of English lessons at a college near you. In issue 2, you will receive this handy introduction to TV stations other than ITV, Dave and Bravo.
Well, we've got to try and make amends somehow.