Al-Qaida has issued a strongly worded complaint over the Home Office's classification of terrorist 'threat levels'. The levels purport to grade the risk of a terrorist attack from low to critical.
''We're pretty fed-up,' said an al-Qaida spokesman.'The lads work their socks off planning something really scary and this government gives it a poor rating. Morale is sometimes so low people contemplate suicide - except they think that would get them only a 'low' award and so don't bother.
'Last month we planned an operation that would have flattened Wolverhampton, and the Home Office just gave us a 'moderate'. It's so unfair and not worth the effort. We're thinking of asking the AA or the English Tourist Board to include us in their star classification system of awards. It'd be nice to get five-stars for a 9/11 type effort'.
The spokesman said it was difficult to be taken seriously as an international purveyor of fear and violence when government security services consistently failed to award really scary warnings. ''We just can't do our jihad properly,' he said.
A Home Office spokesman said the government tried to be fair when issuing a threat level but often the suspected plot wasn't terribly imaginative and the body count was expected to be unimpressive.
'The British stiff upper lip needs quite a scare before it starts trembling,' the spokesman said.
'However, we are planning to trial a new system with the threat levels ranging from 'quite scary' through 'that sends a shiver down my spine' and 'hey, that's scary' to 'shit scary' ', the spokesman said.
'By the way,' he added. 'We think 'moderate' for a terrorist plot that would have only flattened Wolverhampton is actually spot on.'
Al-Qaida in complaint over threat levels
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Al-Qaida has issued a strongly worded complaint over the Home Office's classification of terrorist 'threat levels'. The levels purport to grade the risk of a terrorist attack from low to critical.Posted 6 years ago #
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