In a shock move today a quorum of members of the Liberal Democrat Party have put the coalition into doubt by splintering into a new parliamentary group. In a press statement the four MPs made the following declaration: "We believe that our constituents didn't put us into office in order to wield power, have coherent or accountable policies or be answerable for our thoughts or actions. I mean have you listened to Baroness Tonge, ffs? No, our voters vote for us to express their disgust at the other parties but were too gutless to spoil their ballots. Therefore we wish to serve this unrepresented constituency by being the party of malcontented, mediocre fruit-loops who can split any government's majority".
Simon Hughes, the leader of the break-away faction, said "we're fed-up with having responsibilities. I didn't join the LibDems to be taken seriously, but to spend a lifetime in perpetual student politics were I could demand things safe in the knowledge I would be completely ignored." Nick Clegg was unavailable for comment due to his third week in a row for shoe polishing detail at the Cabinet Office.