Home secretary Theresa May and Chancellor George Osbourne met today over a revolutionary new plan to revamp speed cameras into something that will assess the wealth of the driver when handing out the fine. The penalty will be based on how much the driver earns and will automatically downgrade their tax code causing he or she to pay more tax as a punishment instead of the usual £60 fine and three points.
'The wealth camera as it will come to be known will target those that can afford to pay more and not those less well off drivers who drive around in micras, ford ka's and beaten up old vauxhall astras who will be able to pass through the cameras virtually scott free' said Chancellor Osbourne after his meeting with May 'we are focusing mainly on those arrogant barstards who drive Bentley's, Aston Martin's, Bmw's and Mercedes Benz's, you know the sort, those kings of the road types who come up behind you on the motorway and tailgate you flashing their stupidly powerful lights until you move out of their way'.
Osbourne also hopes that extra modifications made to the camera can add harsher penalties depending on whose driving the car at the time such as celebrities like Jeremy Clarkson, Katie Price, Frank Lampard and hopes that it can issue fines on the basis on how disliked they are aswell as how much they earn. 'Piers Morgan, Ant or Dec could literally be taxed off the road should this policy be enforced' continued Osbourne ' there could be a problem for me on a personal level as this could be like a turkey voting for christmas because if i'm not careful I will get shafted by own policy and the same goes for Theresa'.
This policy may go down well with the poorer people in society but there have been rumblings from some of the people who will be affected by the wealth camera. It's thought that bankers could be potential victims of the new camera policy but Osbourne warns of the system seriously backfiring ' although bankers are the very people that most of us would like to see caught by these cameras they are also the very people who are likely to make us all pay for it by taking more bonus to pay for it'.
The treasury have already admitted the system could be flawed because of this very reason and have stated ' it maybe a wasted exercise' said a treasury spokesman ' a brief fiscal study on the income revenue based against cost would render this policy ineffective against individuals currently working within the banking industry due to their ability to maneourve the system accordingly to make it self funding due to there suspect business arrangements that induce negicable rewards. In other words you have to get up very early in the morning to get the better of these fuckin hyenas' he finished.