In the last five years the number of urban cyclist has risen dramatically causing disruption, anger and frustration at rush hour. In part the rise in numbers is down to the National Cycle scheme which actively encourages the urban cyclists.
Whilst most pedestrians and drivers universally agree that the rude, discourteous and ignorant urban cyclist is a menance, they have been protected by legislation since the hunting ban several years ago. Illegal hunts still happen which result in the appearance of a "ghost bike" where the hunt occured.
Natural populations of urban cyclist were kept to a manageable level in the past but now they have reached unsustainable levels.
Morris Hammond, deputy president for the Urban Cycle Hunters Union, believes the government needs a change in policy, not just to help pedestrians and drivers, but committed cyclists too.
"The last thing we want is the extinction of the cyclist. But the urban cyclist has a blatant disregard for the Highway code and other road users."
Another blight that has appeared throughout modern Britain has been the increase in white coated Clarins and Clinque counter girls, who waft around shopping precincts in their white coats and an impenetrable cloud of eau de toilette.
"From the emotional point of view, we thought that the effects of recession would have curbed the numbers of these 'cosmetic doctors' by not being able to sell anything, it's so hard to understand how they have suvived for so long in such vast populations. "
"What we are looking for are government controlled culls, to get the arrogant cocks and popinjays off our streets, even better would be state controlled hunts where once a month toffs could ride through the city streets with their hounds, it would fill a void left by the fox hunting ban, and actually get rid of unwanted pests"