Tory billionaire Lord Ashcroft has been given the all clear by a leading Harley Street doctor to resume using his anus once again.
Fears that the Ashcroft bottom may still have had some shit left inside it after side stepping a £3m tax bill were dismissed after doctors established the entire anal passage and lower bowel cavity had indeed been emptied. They concluded the stench left hanging around his back passage was in fact the foul smell of Tory complicity as they set about cleaning up the shit Ashcroft had left the rest of the country in.
Leading accountancy high rollers Deloitte later confirmed that with their help, Ashcroft had not only managed to legally empty the entire contents of his bowels over the British taxpaying public, but during the evacuation had also gone on to empty his bladder of any moral obligations and then used a loophole in the law to wipe the tip of his cock.
Sidekicks Cameron and Osborne had been careful to remove any trace of the offending bowel movement by not only wiping the Ashcroft bottom clean using their latest coalition HMRC tax forms but also careful use of their slippery Tory tongues guaranteed Ashcroft a faeces free ride back to his tax haven.
Tax inspectors failed in their half hearted attempt to claw back some of the millions Ashcroft owes in unpaid taxes, complaining they already have a massive workload of shit to deal with from other tax dodging billionaires and could not spare the time on individual cases.
Meanwhile, as Ashcroft boarded the plane to Belize, waving goodbye to all the shit he had left behind, a team of tax inspectors were already busy investigating the tax affairs of a cleaning lady who helped clean up the Ashcroft shit, claiming she still owed £4.73 in unpaid taxes from her previous employment 8 years ago.
‘blinded by Deloitte, ripped off like a dude who lost another tenner to the Right’
Quick links: NewsBiscuit Home • Chat Room • Writers' Room • Top Ten
Blinded by Deloitte
(5 posts) (4 voices)
Current rating::
-
Gerontius
offlineMemberPosted 2 years ago #
Reply
You must log in to post.