Findings made by an institute set up for studying primates based in Nigeria show that chimpanzee's will buck the trend of evolution and will overtake mankind as the most intelligent form of life on the planet within a matter of a couple of decades.
' We're seeing evidence within the institute that our most intelligent apes are now more than able at some levels to make the step up to homo sapien status' explained Dr Kate Wheeler of the institute ' Boris, our most advanced chimp has already prooved this theory by gaining an A grade for this years GCSE paper in English Literature and he's also passed an IQ test compatible of that of an American President'.
Dr Wheeler had to admit that the IQ test was based on a recent one taken by George W Bush but despite that she's still convinced that the intelligence levels shown by her Chimps were improving at an incredible rate compared to their human counterparts.
'It's amazing to think that it was approximatley six million years ago that the last known split occured between the human line and that of the chimpanzee line but that line is rapidly meeting up again' continued the Doctor ' Even the Human Genome Project taken out in 1982 was not forecasting such a fast track reversal of human evolution. Comparing it to the the increase in primate evolution it's almost nose dived into oblivion when you consider the examples of human kind we see today such as premiership footballers, female soap stars, glamour models and even some politicians, i'll site John Prescott as an example Of that'.
There have been rumours that some of these highly trained chimps have escaped to successfully integrate into society over recent years with the most famous case being Michael Jacksons pet chimp 'Bubbles' who ended up managing the deceased popstar in the latter years of his life. At first Bubbles seemed quite competent at the job but he went on to show signs of his mathematical limitations by commiting Jacko to an audious tour of 500 gigs instead of the 50 it should of been which many people now blame for Jacksons demise.
Another lesser example of this is the escape of a chimp called Wayne around seven years ago who is currently passing himself off as a premiership footballer for Manchester United. Wayne has successfully prooved himself as a footballer but unfortunatley he escaped before his trainers could instruct him in the art of monogamy.
All this may have Charles Darwin rotating in his grave at a rate of about 5000 evolutions a minute but as Dr Wheeler says ' If Katie Price can carve out a career as an author then the human race has only got itself to blame if it ends up having to serve up pyms to cheetah's descendents while they lounge back in an easy chair sitting in their million pound apartments overlooking canary wharf'.